Time to move on.

Each year on the CSJ. site one can find comments that wring the heart. Mostly these centre around the subject that has come to be known as 'Camino blues'. If you have never come across it before it is the reaction that many or is it most pilgrims have when they return to their normal life after anything up to three months on the Camino. They find that they have changed their whole outlook on life whilst away and now are shaken by the twin forces of a return to the same old rut and the knowledge that there is a better way to live. They know there is one because they have experienced it on Camino.

I have also heard from several places that folk are driven to tears because they feel lost. The blues really comes when it is realised that there is nothing they can do about it. Unfortunately for many this places the whole of the Camino into the realm of fantasy that was good while it lasted. But it is over, get over it.

I have been thinking about these things for sometime, perhaps it is years. For some the answer is to go on another pilgrimage as soon as possible. And keep going. That may be an answer, but I do not think that it is the right one. By all means go on as many pilgrimages as you wish or feel you need to join.You will gain much for your soul. But at the end you will still be standing at the same place

I have come to see that pilgrimage, a sacred journey, is only part of a much bigger journey or pilgrimage. The lessons gained on pilgrimage are meant to take us to the next level. It seems to me that most people come home expecting to make life different from now on However in the cold light of day they soon get lost. So what is needed is a structure that will support the individual in a collective that will enhance that person.

Many years ago St Francis came to see this same need . His answer was to start the third order. He gave a rule of life for those who would accept it. This rule was the distillation of his teaching. It also called into being a fellowship of brothers and sisters who were travelling along the same road. They could and do support each others as they know what the difficulties are.

I have been thinking about these things and it comes to me to ask the question 'Why should Santiago Pilgrims not develop a similar idea.' What about a Santiago rule, based on the pilgrimage lessons. If you want to know what those lessons are the read the thread I started on the CSJ discussion pages on the subject of lessons.

http://www.caminodesantiago.me/board/el-camino-frances/topic8653.html

I really need some feed back on this one, What do you think?

The world gets bigger.

Some news. And this one of the reasons why I have not been posting in the last few weeks. Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago have created a facebook page so that we can share more in this work of development. Everyone is invited. So, how to get into it? If you have facebook account, it is very easy. Just type in the friends box Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago, and you will get there. It is an open group so join up. Or if you do not yet have a facebook account,then you will have to get one. Google Facebook click the links and follow the instructions. When you have a page, wall and all do, as above to join..See you there. Blessings.

The new Sello for Peterborough Pilgrims

This is the new sello for the

Peterbros. If you would like

see what the changes are

look a bit further down this

blog and you will see the

old one. We have added

the Diocesian arms of

Peterborough Diocese

as we are now a diocesian

organisation. The first

since the reformation.

It is our hope that we

can be a force for

renewal in the church

in the UK and Europe.

Come and join us. Contact

is via my email

ianholdworth@aol.com.

Great news

A few days ago, the new Bishop of Peterborough came to see me. This was in response to a paper I had produced about a change in the status of Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago. Previously we had been one of those outfits that the diocese smiles upon but is not part of the diocesan structure. We are sort of answerable to the Bishop and semi detached at the same time. This was an interim measure until we got a bit bigger. Well that day has come. As a result of the paper and the meeting we are to receive a formal Charter and license. We will be fully integrated. The Bishop will be the President. And as the Archconfraternity has agreed to our existence as a associate member knowing that we Anglicans, we are now the first fully accredited ecclesiastical confraternity in the UK since the reformation. So on the 24 July 2010 we are to be formally started at the celebration of St James's day in the parish church of St Mary the Virgin, Northampton. This is open to all. If you can come you are most welcome! It is followed by a pilgrim feast. One of the objectives of our confraternity is to open, mark and walk the way~the Camino~ in the UK from the site of the former monestry of St James in Northampton to Portsmouth/ Southampton. After the pilgrim gathering on the 24 July some of us are going on that pilgrimage. It is open to all who wish to join. It is hoped that everyone who comes to the Mass and feast will walk with us to Blisworth our first stop. There is a bus that we take everyone home to St Mary's So join us for all or part of that gig.

This must stop.

In recent weeks I have been working to

establish a small Confraternity of St James.

I say in recent weeks, the truth is that I

have been working for 5 years on this project.

It has not been easy. I have not taken the

easy route and tagged along with the

other fraternities, because of a vision of

something rather different at the end of

the road from what is on offer at the moment.

I have seen the posts about 'what is a true

pilgrim.' Dressed in all its finery of pride

of walking to Santiago rather than going on the bus... or train....or even plane. I have walked to Santiago many, many times from all different directions.

I have met some wonderful people on the way and made lasting friendship

with some of them. And now as the fraternity is to emerge into the full

light of day I have been challenged from every direction, by those

who want to preserve the existing scheme of things. We are not a proper

fraternity. We shouldn't be doing what we are doing and the implied correction

that whatever it is that we are up to it should be through the existing

organisation. By this I am not talking about the Archdiocese or the

Archconfraternity. Things are fine with them. We are accepted for

what we are . But I am speaking of others who are worried that we

might spoil their game by being different. The fraternity called

Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago is unashamedly Christian and more than

that we are Anglican. This is an Episcopally backed outfit. Our Bishop is our

President! I am an Anglican priest. I am exercising my Anglican

ministry. Within that Anglican heritage is a history of nearly 1500 years

when we were organically joined at the hip to the western patriarch called

the Pope and the church which he leads, the Roman Catholics. But I am

also a catholic,not Roman Catholic, it becomes a little difficult to see what

lies in the future in Church unity. For many of us there is a deep

feeling that one day we will go home and the family spat will be over.

Be that as it may. Within the common heritage of 1500 years there

is the whole emergence of the cult of St James and Santiago pilgrimage.

It is part of my Spiritual DNA. It maybe that the Roman catholic Church

holds Santiago in trust, but they hold it for all Christians.

On my first pilgrimage the one thing that hit me in the face was that

for those who had little faith and even those who had much faith

there was little done to interpret the experience as it was happening

to those who had only a little basic Spanish. This was the need that

drew me into becoming a pilgrim Anam Cara. As time has gone on there

have been other needs that I have discovered. Not least of all that

every country in Europe has a direct link with the Camino, but the

UK still has not reopened the historic route from the midlands via

Reading to the south coast ports. Even though we still have the Saints

forearm in a Church in Marlow we have not reopened the way.

And so I went to work. Now there are many who will want ask and

even demand that 'there be room for those who want to walk a

celtic/pagen pilgrimage. They should included. How dare I propose

that I should be so narrow as to insist that our fraternity

should be christian. I should respect them for what they believe

and not deny them'.

Well ! it seems to me that it is a question of respect. I respect them

enough to not wish to make any comment of what they do. If

they wish to hug trees and dance in the nude, wandering wherever

they wish and calling it a pilgrimage, that is up to them. They are

responsible for their own souls. But I expect the same respect. I

am not inventing Christian Santiago Pilgrimage, I only wish

to link with this heritage of prayer and contemplation that

leads to the icon experience that we call hugging the saint.

I am taking responsibility for my own soul and the souls of

those who come with me.

This is all a question of respect and acceptance. These virtues

are part of the great Christian virtue of loving the neighbour.

But even so they are recognised as worthy of merit by all.

It is a two way street give and take. Don't judge my pilgrimage and

fraternity by the values that you impose on yours. And don't

call it a christian pilgrimage when it is not!

The Rhythm of Pilgrimage Part3.

So after a few days the body has caught up with the aspirations of the mind. This does not mean that all will be easy it will not. Although you will have become much fitter than you have been for a long time, you are still working at a high level of energy expenditure. You will get more and more tired as time goes on. If you are not blessed by the need to be back at work on a certain date and you have an open fight ticket, then it is possible to rest more often. But this is not available to many. It is not easy to stay fresh for the whole of the Camino's 55o miles. Pacing yourself helps, bit that Ryan air flight is not negotiable and you will have to push yourself to keep to a timetable. All that being said it does not mean that you have to rush the whole time. Unless that is that you have planned the trip to the hour. And you have overestimated you abilities. This is the province of the young. The restless need to get on and get there is an enemy of a satisfying pilgrimage. So allow space in your pilgrimage for a days rest now and again. So let's return to day four onwards. By now the pains are less and you are walking with ease. If you started from St Jean the country is getting a little less hilly and the walking is good through the Rioja. pleasant vineyards and little villages are a joy, at first, but so is human nature one does get used to them. There are sights that enthrall. I remember one morning coming up to Ganon. The Church was visible on the hill ahead. The moon was full and setting. It was broad daylight. there was a moment when the moon sat on top of the church tower as though it was impaled on the weather vane. And the moon looked so close that it appeared that it tower of the Church and the moon were exactly the same distance away. Unforgettable. Now you begin to think about everyone you have left behind, the joys and the problems. This drifts into the the dark corners of memory to those places where the unresolved lurks. You begin to work them. After a few days one gets to a place of peace. The work now is to be on the deepest level. One enters a space where time losses its relevance. I only have this distance to walk and I have four hours to lunch. I am deep with myself and experiencing a certain detachment from the immediate reality. This is an important place to be. Jesus said seek and you will find. Use the space for this most spiritual of all quests. You can switch off and become a walking zombie, many do. The unspiritual most certainly do, but you Child of God are able to experience an Emmaus experience. He is walking right next to you. Those senses that have have been switched off for years back at home are coming to life. It is although you developed a whole new set of senses. You are not able to see him, but you know he is there. Let God now work in you.

The Rhythm of Pilgrimage. Part 2

Time to set out. The planning and the

packing are over.The flight, like as not

thanks by Ryan ( let me charge you per

breath on my plane and you can sit

on the wing) is past and you

have got yourself to St Jean de Pied de Port

without major event.

What now? Excitement; Concern that this

is all too much; A feeling that it would be

nice to drop out and become a tourist; all

these feelings come to the surface, and many more.

The beat of the drum moves on consumed by the slow relentless

pace of events. It is almost like a conveyor, which is pulling you

towards that start in the morning.

The sense of moving on will be with you until you arrive at Santiago

or dropout. It is however a feeling that must be

watched. It is easy to miss out on some of the greatest experiences of

you life, because you are unaware of what is really happening to you.

This rhythm that I am beginning to write about must be channelled

to understand all that the Camino has for you. The rhythm is

important~ in part that is what you came to engage with. It is

different from daily life. It is an emptied out day. At home there are

so many things that demand your time. Most of the time there are too

many to deal with in one day. The day becomes overcrowded with the result

that life becomes one of pressure. On pilgrimage there are only a few

things that you have to do. They are :- get up, walk, have breakfast,

walk, stop for coffee, walk, have lunch, walk, arrive at the destination,

rest, wash, both you and your clothes. eat, go to sleep. You might

slip in a few postcards/email and visit a couple of sights along the way.

That's it. Nothing more. Leaving a great deal for time to reflect on life.

It is in this space that you begin to get to grips with

all those problems that you have been pushing aside for years

All those memories that are too painful to confront. They and kindred

things are like a suitcase that you have stuffed for years with parcels.

All with a label that says to be dealt with some other time. The suitcase

is bulging, held shut by leather straps that are about to give way.

All this bursts out. Now is the time to deal with it. The stripped out

day allows for this deep healing of the soul. But it doesn't happen yet.

The rhythm of pilgrimage is more than the daily round. There are distinct

phases to the days and weeks. On that first day as you set off up the

hill to Roncevalles you soon begin to feel the pain. You have been doing

walks for sometime now, but these have not really prepared you for

what is ahead and what you are now doing. This mountain seems

to get steeper and steeper and it keeps on, up and up you go. And oh!

my limbs are not used to this. Willpower keeps you going. How can I

give up after a couple of hours on this walk. What would my wife say

You are on you own. Shyness, and the good old reserve, stop you from

saying much to those who follow you up the hill. Anyway you husband

all your energy to get up up this bit. It must end soon, but it does not.

You will by now be aching all over and be short of breath.

Praise be the top at last and a shortish walk down to

Our Lady of Roncevalles. Rest and blissful sleep.

The next morning, Off again. A few pains coming with me today, but

I soon walk through them to that place where I begin to doubt that

I can do this. Last night on my bed I looked at the guide again and

began to realise that 55o miles is a very long way. I must have been

mad to have thought that I could do it. In the dark I fell asleep

thinking that I would do as much as I can, but I will be on the

bus before I get to Santaigo.

The Sun is out and I have been talking to the people who I had

dinner with last night. They begin to tell me a some of their story

and it makes me feel a little more comfortable. They are having

the same problems on this walk as I am, and they have

painful blister in the same place as mine. We go on together.

It is night now I feel awful. I cannot do this even though I want too.

Too far, too long, too much. All I want to do is sleep. So I do. I awake

a feeling a little refreshed, but I am stiff and ache from top to toe.

I will go to bed after dinner and tomorrow I will think about how

I can get home. I do not care anymore about how I will explain this

to my wife.I do not care about loss of face. I want out.

Sleep comes quickly.

Day three. I still have some pains, but I could walk a little this morning.

Besides that will take me to Pamplona and it will be much easier to

get public transport from there. As I walk things easy somewhat.

Again ,I talk to those who are around me. No much and not very

deeply, but it is encouraging. I start to notice the countryside as I look

beyond the painful place that I am in. It seems that it sorta helps. In

my prayers, which have all been of the nature of 'God get me up this hill/

to the next bar/ to the Albergue' I begin to have a few other ideas

pushed in that are not about my exhaustion~ thanks for this beautiful place,

for these people, be with my wife at home. As this takes place I start

to think that today may not be the end after all. Besides I have

walked near 50 miles; almost 10% of the whole pilgrimage.

I don't know if I can do the whole lot, but I can do more.

I stop at an albergue on the far side of Pamplona, where the

owner/hospitaler is famous for the way she works on and heals feet. The

fame is well deserved as she works wonders on me and my feet.

This is the end of the first phase. It has all been about the body. The

distortion of modern life that has made us more cerebral that physical

is being redressed. The body and mind are painfully reunited. The

body has complained every step of the way and has made the mind l

listen to it. A painful lesson, but a good one. This pilgrimage is about

becoming whole. In Christian terms this very good. The whole

point of the little baby in the stable is that God did not spurn our

humanity but he embraced it. The salvation plan includes the

body. In far eastern religions. The body is a nuisance, something to be

overcome and left behind. Not so with us Christians. The body is part of

my spiritual nature. When Jesus returned to heaven, he took his body

with him. So God has a truly human face. We are discovering this

in a practical way. Soon as the body gets up to speed and the mind

interacts with the flesh in a proper manner, it will open up a whole

new vista. More of that later.

This post is now getting too long so I guess there will have to be a

part 3 to this post. Back soon.

Ian