There and back again,again!

The title implies that I have done all this before and in some ways that is true. The difference this time is marked by the picture above. That is one part of the pilgrimage to Santiago that I have never been on before, going though the door of St James. As I am sure you will know, it is only opened for Holy Years and this year is one. There were other differences. The route was up the Via de la Plata from Ourense. I found it rather hard. That was because of many things, not least, that I am rather overweight at the moment. I am convinced and convicted that I must loose, not a few pounds, but many. Sadly there is no easy was to do this. Cut down on the eating and build up the walking ~the only steps that lead to the paradise of speed and feeling good at the end of a day's pilgrimage. This pilgrimage rather took me back to the first pilgrimage that I walked. That feeling of not knowing what is ahead and often failing to read the signs. For example, on this way there are municipal albergues at certain points. They are there for the good reason that the gaps between them are enough for one days walk. Some are a greater distance than others, this is when the section is easy. The closer together they are ,the more difficult the section. Nut brain , here, thinks in his own way, ' let's plough on, do two sections'. So one day was 11.5 hours walking. Difficulty indeed! This rather resulted in a less than spiritual pilgrimage, or so I thought at the time. The prayer was rather restricted to 'Lord get me up this hill/ to the Albergue. Higher intercession was lost in the physical grunt of getting on. But this is not a disaster. We are not followers of an eastern mystical teaching of spiritual detachment. Our God became flesh and took our flesh into the divine self. Thus we do not renounce the flesh, but embrace it, even when it is difficult and painful. And so another early lesson came back to mind that the shear physicality of pilgrimage can be prayer itself, body prayer. Archbishop Rowen recently said in a conference on Church fresh expressions that 'We should move into the space opened up by Jesus Christ'. This also means that we on a day to day talk hold of the day an make it part of the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom is found by possessing life rather than denouncing it.

We are off.

We here we go again. This time it is a very short walk. Just enough to blow the winter blues away. Tomorrow morning I and another member of Peterbrough Pilgrims to Santiago, called Roger, will fly to Madrid. Then on the train to Sahagun and onward to Moritinos to see Rebekah and Paddy to discuss a few things with them about linking our Confraturnity to their work with Pilgrims. We are there until Wednesday when we will be catching the train again, this time to Ourense. We will walk the 110k to Santiago from there. Stay a nighty in Santiago and go down the valley to O Curruna to fly home to Heathrow a week on tuesday. I am really looking forwars to this trip. When I first thought about it,this trip was going to be an early december retreat and it is now lent.Time flies. So farewell for a few days. I may be able to post we shall see.

We are Pilgrims on the journey!

Yeah! I know this has been a long week,and this post is really 10 days overdue. First lesson of Pilgrimage;nothing quite goes as you expect it. Sorry anyhow.

A number of things have been happening to me in the days since I last posted here. One of them is that I am going to Spain on Monday. This coming Monday 1st March. You may have already worked out that I lead a small confraternity in the middle of England. This fraternity has struck up a friendship with two wonderful supporters of pilgrims who live on the Camino. They are real friends to all who stop by at their place. Anyway this friendship is developing into something practical and useful that allows us be more involved with other pilgrims as they pass thought their hands. For us it is a halfway house to establishing an Albergue of our own. So, I and another member are going to make a visit to them to see their place and cement the friendship. We will be there two nights with the day between to talk and see how they are. But after that......... we are free to go off on a short pilgrimage of a few days, call it a Lenten retreat, Yippee.

We have decided that it would be a good thing to go for a Compostela for the collection, and that means that we must end up at Santiago. I have walked the Camino from St Jean, and also the way up from Oporto. So we have decided to set off from Ourense. 110k . Far enough, but not that far. It has however produced some interesting and I must say surprising thoughts in my head.It has occurred to me that these are exactly the questions that I had in my mind before I went on my first pilgrimage. Questions such as:- Will there be Albergues on the way? Will they be open? Do these folk who give advise on the forum really know what they are talking about? Will it be very cold or will I die on a hillside somewhere for want of food and somewhere to stay?

Now I know for my own experience that the answer to all these questions is that things will be fine. It will be great time. That does not stop the doubts for long. It has helped me see more clearly once again, what it is like to be a novice pilgrim. The answer to me and everyone is held in the wonderful words of Lady Julian of Norwich: All will be well, and all manner of things will be well!

Julian's words call us to faith that what lies ahead is safe and supported by people who know what they are doing. Julian is speaking about the whole of life. This in itself helps us begin to realise that the little worked example of life that we call a pilgrimage is meant to be writ large on our lives. That it is though this nursery experience of pilgrimage that we learn, maybe for the first time what it is to walk by faith.

If you are planning your first pilgrimage, watch the way that the faith you have now that it will be ok turns into the solid assurance of sellos in your credential.And in the words of a sixties song, 'Put your hand into the hands of the man who walked on water'.

The lesson, walk by faith and let others take the load. All will be well.

So, you've signed up for Santiago Pilgrimage!

So, you have signed up for a pilgrimage to Santiago. You have heard the stories and tales from others about this important life event. In some way or another it seems a cool idea. Well, it did when you committed to it. Now you are not so sure. You have begun to think about what it really entails. All that walking. 750 k from St Jean. You are thinking that you were mad to agree. You will never make it. It is too far. You're over 50 perhaps and didn't think that you would take on this sort of physical challenge again. And here you are, with 2,3,4,5,6. months to prepare for the impossible! You are perhaps looking for the door marked exit, so that you do not have to go.....but others are expecting you to be there and you cannot let them down.

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You have found this forum and it has added to your confusion. The old timers speak freely about routes and Albergues. They speak of the generosity of those along the way and it seems too good to be true.

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Well; you can do it, no matter how it feels today and tales of generosity and modestly priced Albergues are true. The experiences of others that are offered on this site are reliable, so make use of them and ask as many questions as you can bring to mind. If it helps, my first pilgrimage is recorded further back on this blog. Read it, who knows you may find it helpful.

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These matters are not really my main concern. I focus on the Spiritual aspects. You may not have thought about this facet of pilgrimage or it maybe the reason you are going or any point between. The one thing that I can promise is that your pilgrimage with surprise you beyond words. You may not have any faith whatsoever or a very small one that is a hang over from childhood experiences. No matter. The spiritual is in every breath of your trip. For some it helps develop their faith, others gain a growing awareness of things spiritual that is in spite of God rather than because of him. The long hours on the hillsides of Spain have their effect. We become reconnected to ourselves and nature. For city types this is awesome But we are getting ahead of where you are now.

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So what do I say about now. That is easy. Your pilgrimage has already started. Everything that you do is part of the adventure. The journey does not start on the plane or at the airport, or even in France, Spain or Portugal, it began the moment you said yes. The preparations are as much part of the experience as arriving in Santiago. So enjoy these days and look to see what they can teach you about who you are and what you need in life!

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I shall be posting on this blog about once per week, So come and join me again. I hope it will be useful. You have my prayers. Ian Holdsworth

A Change of direction

There you have it. In the title. I am about to go in a different direction. Why I can hear you say? Simple. I reply. Because it is time. There is a rhythm to most things, even pilgrimage. In some ways I have been going against the natural cycle of things. So now is time to go with the flow rather than six months too late or too early depending on one's point of view. When I started this blog nearly a year ago, I thought that it would be easy to get through the early stages of description of my first pilgrimage, so that I could get on to the things that really interested me, namely exploring a practical theology of pilgrimage. Well it wasn't quick, and it took much longer than I thought that it would. So when everyone was coming to the end of the pilgrimage season and was thinking about a nice warm winter at home, my blog was still out on the hills taking about exploring the experience. Recently I have been speaking about keeping the experience alive, when a new crop of pilgrims are wondering if they have done the right thing signing up for along walk in the Spanish countryside, and by the way, what is a pilgrimage anyway? So now is the time to begin to go back to the very first days of pilgrimage and think about the spiritual nature in sync. with the stage folk are at. So amigos the next post, which I hope will be tomorrow, will start to meet the needs outlined. God Bless you all!

Homeward bound!

Last Friday night, here at the Vicarage, we had a visit from our Youth

group. I say a visit it was rather more an invasion. Liz my wife leads

the group and they, that is the young people and her had decided that

this night was to be a 'Doctor Who' night.

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For those who live outside the UK and have no idea what I am now

talking about I will explain Dr Who. This is a sci fi tv show which

started in the '60s. A few years ago it was revived by the BBC.

They changed the format and the focus audience to late teens early

twenties. It was a wow. So it has been playing with hour long specials

since the revival.

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So they all troupe in for what is a thinly veiled party. They come as all

sorts of being from all over the Universe. They have little or no interest

in an aging Vicar, so I retreat to my study and more particularly my

computer. I start to surf and come across Garrison Keiller's show http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/www_publicradio/tools/media_player/popup.php?name=phc/2010/01/16/phc_20100116_64&starttime=01:32:44&endtime=01:47:00

I have read one of his books and enjoyed it. To find a pod cast in these

circumstances of my siege, was a delight. Since then I have thought

about the broadcast it rather a lot. I have been impressed with the last

few words where he speaks about allowing someone to come home,

whatever they have done, because it is their home, and that is what you do. .

What a wonderful way to think of what is happening to us and what

the significance of the mission of Jesus who opened the way for us to go

home. I think that we might be able to develop this idea as a means to

understand pilgrimage a little better.

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I wonder what motivation causes us to decide to go on pilgrimage. I do

not think many folk can give any real answers as to why they go. It seems

in some sense, cool. So they go. Have you have heard a saying that

comes from seasoned pilgrims. ' You do not choose the Camino, the

Camino chooses you.' Which means that the time comes when pilgrimage

is most beneficial and at that point things come together in such

a way that results on you going. In my case I recognise that

this is true. I did not see it at the time when I first planned to go,but

the need was there. I could not see it. Only after the plans

were made did a great big abyss open at my feet and all the stuff of

the years that I had not dealt with flooded out. It was time for a life

sort out. There was no stopping it, it had to happen then. I was dragged

kicking and screaming into it. I am glad it happened as it made me

a different person in the process.

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As I look back on it all, I can see clearly that it was the call of home.

The picture at the head of the piece is called 'Homeward bound'. The girls

portrayed are not pilgrims, but they could be. I've seen a few looking just

like them on the Camino. The call home is to the place where I

belong. At the start I was unaware of this call, but it took hold of me to

bring me to the place that was home. I have not arrived there

yet, as heaven is home. I am still travelling. The pilgrim still on the

way

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Many people on pilgrimage begin as walkers and finish as pilgrims.

The soft sound of home falls on the dull ears that cannot even hear

the music of home. It is there though. And it heals the ears, the mind and

the heart. Some finish their first pilgrimage with ears healed and fully

tuned to the music of home. Others can just make out a muffled,

tiny noise, that might only be tinnitus. More healing is needed.

Whatever stage we come back from pilgrimage, we need to

allow the music of home to continue to fall on us. In this

way we become lifelong pilgrims, even if we do not

go back to Santiago again. It does help though to keep

setting aside times of Camino. Some find that it almost

becomes addictive. Tasting the joys of heaven, even if

it is distant has that way with you. It calls you back for

more. Jesus speaks of it as thirst. ''Blessed are those who

hunger and thirst for right living. They will be satisfied''.

This is a picture of my own front door. It is the door of St Mary's Vicarage

in Northampton. It is the boundary between home and the rest of the world.

Beyond this door is the safe space of home. It is the door through which I

pass as I start my pilgrimages. As I put my foot on this side, I start the

pilgrimage. After a few weeks, I end the pilgrimage by crossing the

threshold. When I first started going on pilgrimage I thought that

the pilgrimage did not really start until I was on the aircraft or even in

Spain. I came to see that I was mistaken.

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If you follow the pilgrim forums, you will know that towards the end of

the year, about September time, posts begin to appear that speak of

post-camino blues. This condition is the result of going on pilgrimage

and finding there is a different way to live. This has many causes,

generous hospitality, welcoming albergues, pilgrims who engage freely

with each other, living in an atmosphere of trust, some time alone to get

the head straight, time to pray inside churches and in the open

countryside, all lead, with many other experiences to a realization that

there is a better way to live. The pilgrim returns and meets a blank wall

in the faces of those friends with who he tries to share his joys. Slowly the

old style of anxiety driven life re-establishes itself. Thus an internal conflict

arises between the pilgrimage and 'real' life. Th so called 'Real life' pushes

one back into its own mould. For some the answer is to go on as many

pilgrimages as possible, till the day when the body has had enough.

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There is another root cause. On pilgrimage the interior life comes to the

fore. For many this is the first time that they have even begun to discover

that there is such a dimension to their being. This is the part that has to

be guarded. It is easy to experience the externals of pilgrimage and

believe that the heart of it is in the staying at albergues, talking

to other pilgrims etc. But these are only expressions of what is going

on deep below. In the same way that giving to a beggar is a sign of a

heart that is given to generosity. The gift is not the heart, but the fruit.

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So to return to the front door. Every time I set out, wherever I am going,

is in some way a Camino. A going out to encounter God in others and

through events that happen to me out there. What happens at home,

the internal life of prayer and meeting with our Lord in the peace and

quiet are the heart. If the internal stops, then the Camino stops and the

blues at the sense of defeat, set in. Once you begin to be a pilgrim it does

not end. Keep on walking.