Pilgrim patch

Times move on

2011-07-06T16:20:00.000+01:00

Time has come the Walrus said to speak of many things,

Of ships and seas and sealing rings

Cabbages and Kings.

I have decided that this blog is to close for now.

I have said much,

but I do not want to say more.

My theologising about pilgrimage has come to an end.... for now,

at least in this form.

Thanks for following me

if you have?

More over to the new interactive blog,

Yes! you can post on it as well.

here is the url

http://peterbros.blogspot.com

I am still alive!

2011-03-29T09:29:00.000+01:00

If you are reading this you are to be appalled and thanked. For it means that I have not lost everyone along the way. So many weeks since my last post. I expect that everyone has gone someplace else. But as you have come to this blog I owe you an explaination.
As you will have seen I injured my knees last autumn. They have taken a long time to recover and although they do not cause me pain anymore in normal life, when I walk any distance I know about it.
This has had a number of knock on effects and to put it bluntly I have become fat( some think that I was fat already) so walking become event more arduous. So I have rather retired to parish work, mostly in the study for the winter. Coupled with that has been a withdrawal of my leadership of Peterborough Pilgrims so that others can take the lead. Therefore the sum of all this has been that I have somewhat stopped living on planet pilgrim.
This does not mean that I have been inactive. I have been working to establish a Free School at the church where I serve. It is going well but there is much still to do before the D of E says yes and we can start poring concrete.

So what has been exciting me recently- This has. It is called the WMAP. ( Thanks to Brian Cox on the telly) It is a photograph of the sky showing the background microwaves that come from the beginning of everything. It shows that the radiation is not even and that is why the universe came to be . It is a blueprint for everything, and it came into existence at almost the instant that the big bang happened .
We are not talking days here but millionths of a second. The way it works is this. The slightly denser parts became more dense until they became atoms, which in turn gathered and gave birth to stars, then galaxies and so on. In this blue print is the potential for everything. It is more than potential. Once
this came into existence, everything as we know it came into being in it right order. There is no random chance here. Therefore evolution from stars to people is causation. There is no room for 'it sort of just happened' we are not the product of random chance. I some unfathomable way I am part of this early map. The old chestnut of we are a product of random evolution is now dead as a theological question. Evolution is only a bottom up explanation..I am here, where did I come from? I can from an ape who came from a fish, who came from a single green cell. All it does is to trace my family tree backwards along a predetermined path. And who determined what should be? Do you need two guesses?

The first step is always the hardest

2011-01-01T12:26:00.000Z

Today I have begun a new adventure. I am going to Santiago. I am going
on a pilgrimage. Today is the first day of that pilgrimage. Well want's
new about that? 'Have you not been on many pilgrimages"? you may ask
me. And it is true. I have walked from many places to Santiago. I am no
stranger to the Camino in its many forms. This one will be different!
Today I have accepted the discipline of the long walk. I am not fit. I
am going to lose three or four stones. My dream weight is twelve stone
something. I have a serious knee problem that is still with me after three
months. Walking is difficult.I do not think that I can walk more than
a mile or so at the moment. I am going out for a short walk this
afternoon to begin the training. So what is distinctive about this
pilgrimage? I am going to walk from my own front door to Santiago
via Portsmouth and Santander in 30 to 40 days. I will start on
Sunday 14 August and arrive sometime mid September. Due to
illness I did not complete the walk to Portsmouth last year. So
it means the most of the route is unknown to me. However I do
know that the northern coast route and the Primative are well
known for their difficulty. Therefore the need to lose a deal of
weight and get properly fit this time.
Sometime ago a friend gave me a CD set called "Finding Santuary"
by Abbott Christopher Jamison. ( It is worth buying your own copy)
In it he discusses the application of monastic life to daily life. I
have been impressed with his teaching. The
life of which he speaks resonates with much that I understand
through pilgrimage. It does however go much further. The
consolations of pilgrimage are described but they are only the
foothills of much higher mountains. So this coming pilgrimage
is to be a great exploration of the hills now seen
from afar. The route I have chosen will be very quite. I do not
expect that many pilgrims will come into view,that will add to
this time alone with God.
If you want to come along, you are welcome. It will not be easy
in any way.
But for now I must get this knee better. I need healing so pray for me.

An outing to London.

2010-12-13T14:27:00.001Z

Off to London last saturday to speak to the Confraternity of Pilgrims to
Rome. I really nice bunch of people. They all seemed to have walked
considerable distances, except the cyclists who had ridden even further.
The meeting was held in St James Church rooms at the side of the campus.
I think that I was disappointed with the church, which I had a little while
to look around before I was on. There was nothing about St James.
and nothing about modern day pilgrimage to Santiago.
I gave my talk about the Portsmouth Pilgrimage as part of a major
route to the tomb of St James. They were receptive, but it became
clear that they were rather daunted by the idea of a full blown Santiago
pilgrimage in the UK.
So much has been lost over these last 6oo years.
That is longer than the Moorish occupation of Spain! It is indeed a
long way to reach backwards. To the days before the reformers,
who had little understanding in these matters, who condemned
Pilgrimage as idolatry.
On the other hand here we were in a Church dedicated to
St James. Yes, it is a Wren church, but it takes it's name from the
locality and that comes from the ancient palace of St James,
the official royal address of our Sovereign Lady. All ambasadors
present their letters of authority to the court of St James. I
think we can go a little further. England is the only
place that had, and some say still has, a piece of St James, the
relic of his hand given to Reading Abbey by Henry I. This is
some believe the same hand that is in Marlow Roman Catholic
Church today. No other country has such presence of St James
as we have.
So looking back over the centuries, what must the devotion have
been like in those days. We have much to recover.

Is this the end of things!

2010-12-06T12:03:00.000Z

If the following should seem a moan, I am sorry. It is meant to be an honest
reflection on the moment. As you will see it is a long time since I blogged.
In fact it is six weeks now. I expect that I have dropped off the radar
of many, which is a pity. Readers are hard to come by. I once talked to
a fellow blogger about what agonies I went though about getting a
readership together. She was much more successful than me and
had, by my standards a vast following. As I described my feelings,
the way I search to see who has visited my pages, she nodded her
head, she did the same thing. What comfort, I am not alone.
So where have I been all these weeks! The answer is,
nowhere. I have been holed up in Northampton. I have purchased a new
computer. I am deeply in love with it as it is an AppleMac. Clean, well
designed, fast and full of new toys. Getting it sorted has been a trial
and a joy. It thinks the way I do, unlike anything that
Mr Gates has had his hands on. But that is only the excuse. The
truth is that I have been out of sorts with planet pilgrim in all
its many forms! You are wondering why this should be.
For that answer to have to go back to a few days before I went off
on the last pilgrimage. To the beginning of October.
It had been a warm week, summer was having its last flourish.
Then on the Saturday it rained. Warm gentle rain that brought a
welcome freshness to the day. So Liz and I went to Tesco.
On my feet I had a pair of my beloved crocks. They were
a little old and so had a rather worn underside. Walking into
Tesco over the zebra crossing my feet went from under me and
I went down on my knees. I landed in the prayer position. And
it hurt, especially in my left knee. I went on with the days'
business. The pain seemed to quickly go. And a few days
later I went on the pilgrimage from Porto. During that time my knees
began to tell me the damage that I had done. I didn't believe them
and carried on as best I could. Now I have found out that I
have torn the ligaments on the inside of the knee. I am also told
that it will take two months minimum and up to 12 months to heal.
I may also need a graft to bring about true recovery. So I hobble along,
cruising from furniture to doorpost like a child learning to walk. All
my plans for the next Camino in tatters, wondering if and when I will
walk with ease again.
The walk from Porto was a wonder, if rather painful at time. I had
some thoughts about Jacob. He was the guy who wrestled
with God all night until the dawn when God touched his hip and
made him lame. Ever after that he walked with a limp, to mark him out!
As the days unfolded I found my thoughts turning back to that story.
Is this my future? Then it came to me a few days ago.
Pilgrimage is meant to mark you. You should never be the same
again. I have wrestled with the Camino for six years now and I now
carry the scars in my body of those fights.
But does it have to bring the walking to an end?

We're back and not a little changed!

2010-11-01T15:48:00.005Z

I am back from the Camino Portugues and from a short holiday in South

West England. Did you miss me. A month has gone by, where has it gone?

I see that this blogger is delivering another strange format once more.

How do you guys do yours and produce such a good

shape? It always gives me trouble and I have to spend hours sorting

in out. Anyway enough of the moans. The pilgrimage was good. Mixed

weather. Good company,but not an easy trip with many reversals.

This time I had a real problem with my left knee.As leader I felt

that I had to go on as best I could, whilst keeping up with the group.

Therefore I walked over 100k in some pain.

The walking was not too difficult, the legs kept swinging

back and forth. Any lateral pressures would produce sharp pains. This

was on top of a constant base line ache. It really taught me the meaning

of pilgrimage as a lifestyle..... We keep going, because we

keep going and that is what we do. And we do it until the day

that we walk into heaven. The pain is nothing compared to the joy of

that day. And it was wonderful to get to Santiago

and rest. Now two weeks later, it still hurts, but is getting better.

On arrival at Santiago I said that I am not going to go again.

As I said it I knew that I didn't

really mean it. Perhaps I could walk from Northampton to Santiago

next year via Portsmouth; Santander; Oviedo; Lugo ....

... It does have a certain appeal.

Only a few days now

2010-09-28T23:56:00.001+01:00

The City of Porto.

The River Douro

The Cathedral in Porto

I am nearly done. I have prepared the pilgrimage for the group
that will be leaving on Sunday morning. I still have to buy a few things.
These are mostly art materials for the group. This pilgrimage is to be
a prayer school and will included prayer through the creative. I
have never led a pilgrimage quite like this. It is my aim to
discover more of the experience of prayer that we call pilgrimage.

A few days ago I came across a rather interesting definition of
a true pilgrim. It did not depend on walking or on staying in the
right places, in fact it stayed well away from any definition of
that kind. Rather it focused on the heart of the pilgrim. Most
especially what happened after the return. It said~ A true pilgrim
is one who takes the lessons gained on pilgrimage and applies them
to their lives when they return. Now that is an interesting one, is
it not? By that definition there are not as many real pilgrims around
as we would like to think. And more than that, horror of horrors, some
of the real pilgrims to Santiago went on a coach!

So it is of great concern to me that more than an interesting time is
had by all. If you will, perhaps you will pray for us. That there
maybe a real encounter with our Lord Jesus that changes lives and
makes a difference to us all when we return. And we will pray for
you.

2010-09-23T10:30:00.008+01:00

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I do not think that it is possible for anyone in the UK to have missed thevisit of the Holy Father to these shores. To many peopleit was a surprise that it was the success that it was. I followed the blogs on the internet for some weeks before hand. They were full of doom and gloom about the arrangements. Critics where complaining about how much it was going to cost. Why should the tax payer foot the bill and why was it a state visit? They discounted the Vatican state as an anomaly of history, an over grown house with pretensions to grandeur. So to pay any need to these Job’s comforters, was to believe that organizationally it was going to be a disaster and for that matter no one was going to turn up! Thank God the reality was different. God’s rottweiler turned out to be my grand dad in a funny dress. But the power was in what he said. The full significance has yet to be seen and I believe that a great deal has been done of that moves us towards unity with our brothers in Rome.

. The most significant part, for me, of the visit was that afternoon, when he spoke to the great and good in Westminster Hall. As he said in his speech, this was the place of Sir Thomas More’s trial. Thomas More was a courtier of Henry 8. He found himself in the position of choosing between following the teaching of the church about marriage and divorce and doing as Henry demanded,. Most especially was it possible for Henry to be rid of Catherine of Aragon, his wife. He decided that he had to follow his conscience. So he was tried and found guilt of treason and put to death. . The underlying question was, ‘Where is ultimate authority‘?. The Church or the state! The Pope’s speech made it clear that God’s law comes before our laws and is the model on which they are built. So the pope was saying that Church teaching comes first. . If this was not enough, having addressed the MPs etc in Westminster Hall, he goes across to Westminster Abbey and joins a service that is led by the leaders of the churches in England. That is, without those who have been in the previous meeting in Westminster Hall. In other words he addresses the Church. Those who exercise power in Westminster were not evident. It is not their place to interfere in the affairs of the church! . The overall message was that the Church is free of civil control and must exercise a prophetic ministry to guide the nation. Now for a church that is supposed to be The Established Church, with the Queen/ Parliament in Charge that was a big statement. A revolutionary change. I for one, welcome this shift. . The shackles of the secular power are loosening. Sir Thomas More would have been delighted

2010-09-20T15:10:00.002+01:00

Today is the first day of the new year for Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago. Yes, I do know that it is the 20 September, and as far as I know, there is no precedent, any place ,for this date to be the beginning of anything. So why is it the new year? Simple. Today is the the day I have started to make mint jelly for the clergy of the Diocese of Peterborough. I guess the you would like a little more information. Every other year, I make a large pan of jelly/chutney/ jam. This is packed in small jars and given to the diocesan clergy on their annual day conference. On the jar is a note with an invitation to come and hear about pilgrimages to Santiago, with a view to joining us next year. The invitation is for them and anyone in their congregations. You might think that a simple flyer would be enough. It isn't. Like school kids, it will be lost/ forgotten about before it gets home and has no chance whatsoever of getting beyond them. So a jar of something carries a label with the details on it. The jar gets handed over to the cleric's wife, who reads the label and the information gets passed on. It also comes out from time to time and sits on the dinning table of the home it has entered and reminds the family of its true purpose~ to get to new pilgrims and invite them to a tea party to hear about Santiago. Job done! It does work. We have had several folk join us by this method. So today is the start of the new season for us. We have number of pilgrimages planned for next year. They may change but these are the plans so far. Easter week and the following week; Porto to Santiago July 23 2011 depart; Northampton to Portsmouth 10 days; option to walk to Santiago via Santander Oviedo, Primativo, Santiago; circa 35 days from Northampton, plans to be developed in the light of interest. Early September; Sarria to Santiago. especially for the partially sighted and less than able. This will be an extended week. These pilgrimages are open to everyone. Would you like to join us? Well do!

A picture for the post below.

2010-08-26T17:47:00.004+01:00

We may be behind, but we are coming!

2010-08-18T09:44:00.012+01:00

This picture might be on the Mesata in Spain in early summer. But it is not. It is Northamptonshire on a rather dull day in August. And yes they are pilgrims, Santiago pilgrims. It is a pilgrimage organised by The confraternity of the Glorious Apostle St James the Greater in Peterborough Diocese, more often know as Peterborough Pilgrims or as Rebecka Scott calls us the Peterbros. We have been working for sometime on the development of the Camino/Way of St James in England from the remains of the Monastery of St James in Northampton to join with the route opened by the confraternity in Normandy and so on to Santiago. This photograph is the fruit of this work. We have found and walked the route from Northampton to Portsmouth harbour. We have a set of maps and a guide for any who wish to use them and we will put you up for the night before you start as well issue you with a credential from the Archconfraturnity We have also been recognised by the Bishop of Peterborough and issued with letters of association to develop our work,. St James tide was great time for us. But more of the pilgrimage. We started off from our guild church of St Mary, Far Cotton, just over the river from the ancient Abbey of St James on Saturday, 24 July, the eve of St James walking 5 miles that afternoon to Blisworth. We had a good number who came with us who had been at the dedication and lunch led by our president Bishop Donald Allister. This event was a gathering of over 60 pilgrims and well wishers.We stayed in the Baptist chapel for the night, setting off about 9am for the walk to St Peter and St James in Brackley. We passed the Santiago churches of Paulerspury, Syresham and arrived rather late for the evening service. This service was the night of St James day, day so it was a double celebration. The next day the walk was to Bletchingdon and camping overnight in a rather nice campsite. Then on to Oxford by way of the Oxford canal to St Stephen's house for the night. St Stephens gave us a great welcome and lovely rooms - too go of dirty Pilgrims .The highlight for most was the showers.. Next to Dorchester on Thames by way of Littlemore, where we stopped at the College. This was the home of John Henry Newman after he took leave of the Church of England and was where he was admitted to the Roman catholic fellowship. It is now managed by an order of Nuns who have restored and preserved his rooms and chapel. It is possible to stay there, but we didn't as it was early in the day. On to Dorchester. This was the home of St Birianus; the Apostle to the middle part of England. At one time his shrine was here, but the monks of Winchester pulled rank and took him to their Cathedral, where he now is. It is a great building and we were welcomed by their Vicar. She provided us with tea, before we set off for the night's stop at Wallingford, camping by the river. Now on the river for a while we enjoyed the evening which was rather overcast. We were under canvas, but had no rain .It was a good stop with a nice steak for dinner. The next day we were given water transport to Reading by a family who took good care of us. We had some debate as to the validity of a boat as a proper means of pilgrim transport. We came to the view that without boats, we would be in some difficulties on a later pilgrimage, when we will need the help of a boat to take us across the sea to St Malo/Santander to continue this route opening. We also considered that the Thames was the medieval M1 of its time. So we accepted. The sun shone and we watched the the countryside pass by. Our hosts were wonderful and supplied drinks and sandwiches. They blessed us and we left our blessing with them. In Reading we stayed with the Priest of St James the Great, Roman Catholic Church. This church is built in the grounds of the Abbey of St James, where the hand of St James resided for many centuries. He is a supporter of pilgrimage and as he has recently become the Parish priest is taking a great interest in the renewal of Santiago pilgrimage as it passes by his church. He gave us a stone from his garden, that was once part of the great Abbey, to place on the Santiago altar back home. There is much to be done to develop this work and he is with us. The route now diverts from what some have seen as the traditional ancient route. This would have gone straight to Winchester. The London confraternity of St James have incomplete plans for t his route and hope to develop it to Southampton, which was the point of embarkation in former times. Now one can go to the Isle of Wight or catch a container ship to most parts of the world, but no ferry to France or Spain. That traffic goes by road and the Dover ferry or tunnel. So we have started to promote the new route through Hook, Alton, Arlesford, Bishop's Waltham. This will need some adjustment. We have noted that it is better to head off from Alton to Petersfield, Havant and to Portsmouth. For us pilgrimage is a modern day spiritual discipline. It is more that the putting of feet into the marks of those who came this way long ago. To return to the journey. It is a wonderful walk to Hook. The church there was generous to lend us their hall and the Vicar was very friendly. The fellowship gave us a great dinner of fish and chips as well as Eucharistic hospitality. They took a great interest in our progress. Next morning it rather looked dull and promised a wet day. This is did not materialise, for which we were grateful. The countryside so far had been very interesting, but it now took on a different sort of interest with Hampshire breech woods and heaths. Long green lanes. It really does not get better that this. Before we started off, I was in two minds as to the value of the enterprise. What was the use of developing a walk/pilgrimage that was a long lost note of history. Just keep going to Spain and walk many of the routes that are so readily available. Or so I thought. The experience was very different. The only way I can explain it is that it was like being faced with a deep jungle. As we stood at the beginning with the dense green before us. It seemed almost impossible or at least very difficult to hack our way through. But as we put our feet on the path it was as though the herbage parted before us to reveal a long lost path that was still there. The green parted and we walked easily. One of our number who has walked a number of pilgrimages in Spain thought that this was the best that she has been one. Full of deep meaning and beauty. From Hook we crossed the grain of the land to Alton. A typical Hampshire town. Again we stayed in the parish hall. By now we were in need of a stop with a good shower this we got at Arlesford in the Swan Hotel the stop for t he next night. As for the showers they seemed to come every other day. The weather was good and at time very warm, for England. So we got. If it had been hotter we would have been in difficulties in this matter. On to Bishop's Waltham. For those who wanted a route that took in Winchester, there was a St Swithin's way that leads to Winchester. I had seen Winchester before and opted for the direct way. To me Winchester Cathedral is too commercial, too tourist of it to be of any use in the scheme of pilgrim things . So I opted for the direct way. That was not to be, as I had to take over the role of support diver. But the rest of the group decided that they didn't want to go to Winchester either. Perhaps it was the 8 miles that it added to the minimum of 12 to Bishop's Waltham. And so after a lovely sunny summers day the rest of the group showed up, as if by magic, in Bishop's Waltham that evening. They had had a good day. With just the right number of pubs on the way to keep them happy and moving. Pilgrims don't change much!! Then it was the last day. The triumphal arrival in Portsmouth. We went to the ferry port as a symbolic statement that we would be back to catch a ship to Northern Spain one day soon. That will be a year in October. We have decided that a walk to Santiago from Northampton is possible in the limits of the normal pilgrim journey . We have noted that it is the same walking distance to Santiago from Northampton,via Portsmouth, Santander and the Camino Primativo as it is for St Jean,

The energies of God in Pilgrimage

2010-07-22T11:38:00.001+01:00

The Church Fathers, those early devines of the 3rd and 4th century made a distinction between the inaccessible essence of God and the energies by which he makes his inexhaustible essence available. These energies are at the same time plain and not so plain. The energies of creation that display to us the creative love that communicates beauty and a grace that Iis at its best magnificent, but marred by the these energies are plain to see, just open your eyes as you walk today. The wonderful downs the flowers and beasts in the field, the people who we pass. All show the glory of God. His not so pain energies are not hidden, but by their nature must be looked for another way. His energy that keep the beast of the field alive, the sustaining life of the earth. the creative word that moved across the face of the deep is still at work. Even if, like the wind we cannot see it we are aware of the presence and effects of it. These creative Energies have their focus in the person of Jesus Christ, Emmanuel~ God with us, God saving us, God liberating us. We know God by his energies which freely flow from him into all life. As we walk a humble openness is all that is needed to receive his Energy. Be open to the countryside ,yes by all means. But also be open to meeting him in others. All have the image. The likeness of God and his energies within.

Time to move on.

2010-06-15T21:40:00.009+01:00

Each year on the CSJ. site one can find comments that wring the heart. Mostly these centre around the subject that has come to be known as 'Camino blues'. If you have never come across it before it is the reaction that many or is it most pilgrims have when they return to their normal life after anything up to three months on the Camino. They find that they have changed their whole outlook on life whilst away and now are shaken by the twin forces of a return to the same old rut and the knowledge that there is a better way to live. They know there is one because they have experienced it on Camino.

I have also heard from several places that folk are driven to tears because they feel lost. The blues really comes when it is realised that there is nothing they can do about it. Unfortunately for many this places the whole of the Camino into the realm of fantasy that was good while it lasted. But it is over, get over it.

I have been thinking about these things for sometime, perhaps it is years. For some the answer is to go on another pilgrimage as soon as possible. And keep going. That may be an answer, but I do not think that it is the right one. By all means go on as many pilgrimages as you wish or feel you need to join.You will gain much for your soul. But at the end you will still be standing at the same place

I have come to see that pilgrimage, a sacred journey, is only part of a much bigger journey or pilgrimage. The lessons gained on pilgrimage are meant to take us to the next level. It seems to me that most people come home expecting to make life different from now on However in the cold light of day they soon get lost. So what is needed is a structure that will support the individual in a collective that will enhance that person.

Many years ago St Francis came to see this same need . His answer was to start the third order. He gave a rule of life for those who would accept it. This rule was the distillation of his teaching. It also called into being a fellowship of brothers and sisters who were travelling along the same road. They could and do support each others as they know what the difficulties are.

I have been thinking about these things and it comes to me to ask the question 'Why should Santiago Pilgrims not develop a similar idea.' What about a Santiago rule, based on the pilgrimage lessons. If you want to know what those lessons are the read the thread I started on the CSJ discussion pages on the subject of lessons.

http://www.caminodesantiago.me/board/el-camino-frances/topic8653.html

I really need some feed back on this one, What do you think?

The world gets bigger.

2010-06-10T21:44:00.002+01:00

Some news. And this one of the reasons why I have not been posting in the last few weeks. Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago have created a facebook page so that we can share more in this work of development. Everyone is invited. So, how to get into it? If you have facebook account, it is very easy. Just type in the friends box Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago, and you will get there. It is an open group so join up. Or if you do not yet have a facebook account,then you will have to get one. Google Facebook click the links and follow the instructions. When you have a page, wall and all do, as above to join..See you there. Blessings.

The new Sello for Peterborough Pilgrims

2010-05-31T09:33:00.005+01:00

This is the new sello for the

Peterbros. If you would like

see what the changes are

look a bit further down this

blog and you will see the

old one. We have added

the Diocesian arms of

Peterborough Diocese

as we are now a diocesian

organisation. The first

since the reformation.

It is our hope that we

can be a force for

renewal in the church

in the UK and Europe.

Come and join us. Contact

is via my email

ianholdworth@aol.com.

Great news

2010-05-21T12:39:00.003+01:00

A few days ago, the new Bishop of Peterborough came to see me. This was in response to a paper I had produced about a change in the status of Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago. Previously we had been one of those outfits that the diocese smiles upon but is not part of the diocesan structure. We are sort of answerable to the Bishop and semi detached at the same time. This was an interim measure until we got a bit bigger. Well that day has come. As a result of the paper and the meeting we are to receive a formal Charter and license. We will be fully integrated. The Bishop will be the President. And as the Archconfraternity has agreed to our existence as a associate member knowing that we Anglicans, we are now the first fully accredited ecclesiastical confraternity in the UK since the reformation. So on the 24 July 2010 we are to be formally started at the celebration of St James's day in the parish church of St Mary the Virgin, Northampton. This is open to all. If you can come you are most welcome! It is followed by a pilgrim feast. One of the objectives of our confraternity is to open, mark and walk the way~the Camino~ in the UK from the site of the former monestry of St James in Northampton to Portsmouth/ Southampton. After the pilgrim gathering on the 24 July some of us are going on that pilgrimage. It is open to all who wish to join. It is hoped that everyone who comes to the Mass and feast will walk with us to Blisworth our first stop. There is a bus that we take everyone home to St Mary's So join us for all or part of that gig.

This must stop.

2010-05-11T14:35:00.007+01:00

In recent weeks I have been working to

establish a small Confraternity of St James.

I say in recent weeks, the truth is that I

have been working for 5 years on this project.

It has not been easy. I have not taken the

easy route and tagged along with the

other fraternities, because of a vision of

something rather different at the end of

the road from what is on offer at the moment.

I have seen the posts about 'what is a true

pilgrim.' Dressed in all its finery of pride

of walking to Santiago rather than going on the bus... or train....or even plane. I have walked to Santiago many, many times from all different directions.

I have met some wonderful people on the way and made lasting friendship

with some of them. And now as the fraternity is to emerge into the full

light of day I have been challenged from every direction, by those

who want to preserve the existing scheme of things. We are not a proper

fraternity. We shouldn't be doing what we are doing and the implied correction

that whatever it is that we are up to it should be through the existing

organisation. By this I am not talking about the Archdiocese or the

Archconfraternity. Things are fine with them. We are accepted for

what we are . But I am speaking of others who are worried that we

might spoil their game by being different. The fraternity called

Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago is unashamedly Christian and more than

that we are Anglican. This is an Episcopally backed outfit. Our Bishop is our

President! I am an Anglican priest. I am exercising my Anglican

ministry. Within that Anglican heritage is a history of nearly 1500 years

when we were organically joined at the hip to the western patriarch called

the Pope and the church which he leads, the Roman Catholics. But I am

also a catholic,not Roman Catholic, it becomes a little difficult to see what

lies in the future in Church unity. For many of us there is a deep

feeling that one day we will go home and the family spat will be over.

Be that as it may. Within the common heritage of 1500 years there

is the whole emergence of the cult of St James and Santiago pilgrimage.

It is part of my Spiritual DNA. It maybe that the Roman catholic Church

holds Santiago in trust, but they hold it for all Christians.

On my first pilgrimage the one thing that hit me in the face was that

for those who had little faith and even those who had much faith

there was little done to interpret the experience as it was happening

to those who had only a little basic Spanish. This was the need that

drew me into becoming a pilgrim Anam Cara. As time has gone on there

have been other needs that I have discovered. Not least of all that

every country in Europe has a direct link with the Camino, but the

UK still has not reopened the historic route from the midlands via

Reading to the south coast ports. Even though we still have the Saints

forearm in a Church in Marlow we have not reopened the way.

And so I went to work. Now there are many who will want ask and

even demand that 'there be room for those who want to walk a

celtic/pagen pilgrimage. They should included. How dare I propose

that I should be so narrow as to insist that our fraternity

should be christian. I should respect them for what they believe

and not deny them'.

Well ! it seems to me that it is a question of respect. I respect them

enough to not wish to make any comment of what they do. If

they wish to hug trees and dance in the nude, wandering wherever

they wish and calling it a pilgrimage, that is up to them. They are

responsible for their own souls. But I expect the same respect. I

am not inventing Christian Santiago Pilgrimage, I only wish

to link with this heritage of prayer and contemplation that

leads to the icon experience that we call hugging the saint.

I am taking responsibility for my own soul and the souls of

those who come with me.

This is all a question of respect and acceptance. These virtues

are part of the great Christian virtue of loving the neighbour.

But even so they are recognised as worthy of merit by all.

It is a two way street give and take. Don't judge my pilgrimage and

fraternity by the values that you impose on yours. And don't

call it a christian pilgrimage when it is not!

The Rhythm of Pilgrimage Part3.

2010-05-04T10:23:00.004+01:00

So after a few days the body has caught up with the aspirations of the mind. This does not mean that all will be easy it will not. Although you will have become much fitter than you have been for a long time, you are still working at a high level of energy expenditure. You will get more and more tired as time goes on. If you are not blessed by the need to be back at work on a certain date and you have an open fight ticket, then it is possible to rest more often. But this is not available to many. It is not easy to stay fresh for the whole of the Camino's 55o miles. Pacing yourself helps, bit that Ryan air flight is not negotiable and you will have to push yourself to keep to a timetable. All that being said it does not mean that you have to rush the whole time. Unless that is that you have planned the trip to the hour. And you have overestimated you abilities. This is the province of the young. The restless need to get on and get there is an enemy of a satisfying pilgrimage. So allow space in your pilgrimage for a days rest now and again. So let's return to day four onwards. By now the pains are less and you are walking with ease. If you started from St Jean the country is getting a little less hilly and the walking is good through the Rioja. pleasant vineyards and little villages are a joy, at first, but so is human nature one does get used to them. There are sights that enthrall. I remember one morning coming up to Ganon. The Church was visible on the hill ahead. The moon was full and setting. It was broad daylight. there was a moment when the moon sat on top of the church tower as though it was impaled on the weather vane. And the moon looked so close that it appeared that it tower of the Church and the moon were exactly the same distance away. Unforgettable. Now you begin to think about everyone you have left behind, the joys and the problems. This drifts into the the dark corners of memory to those places where the unresolved lurks. You begin to work them. After a few days one gets to a place of peace. The work now is to be on the deepest level. One enters a space where time losses its relevance. I only have this distance to walk and I have four hours to lunch. I am deep with myself and experiencing a certain detachment from the immediate reality. This is an important place to be. Jesus said seek and you will find. Use the space for this most spiritual of all quests. You can switch off and become a walking zombie, many do. The unspiritual most certainly do, but you Child of God are able to experience an Emmaus experience. He is walking right next to you. Those senses that have have been switched off for years back at home are coming to life. It is although you developed a whole new set of senses. You are not able to see him, but you know he is there. Let God now work in you.

The Rhythm of Pilgrimage. Part 2

2010-04-08T10:00:00.004+01:00

Time to set out. The planning and the

packing are over.The flight, like as not

thanks by Ryan ( let me charge you per

breath on my plane and you can sit

on the wing) is past and you

have got yourself to St Jean de Pied de Port

without major event.

What now? Excitement; Concern that this

is all too much; A feeling that it would be

nice to drop out and become a tourist; all

these feelings come to the surface, and many more.

The beat of the drum moves on consumed by the slow relentless

pace of events. It is almost like a conveyor, which is pulling you

towards that start in the morning.

The sense of moving on will be with you until you arrive at Santiago

or dropout. It is however a feeling that must be

watched. It is easy to miss out on some of the greatest experiences of

you life, because you are unaware of what is really happening to you.

This rhythm that I am beginning to write about must be channelled

to understand all that the Camino has for you. The rhythm is

important~ in part that is what you came to engage with. It is

different from daily life. It is an emptied out day. At home there are

so many things that demand your time. Most of the time there are too

many to deal with in one day. The day becomes overcrowded with the result

that life becomes one of pressure. On pilgrimage there are only a few

things that you have to do. They are :- get up, walk, have breakfast,

walk, stop for coffee, walk, have lunch, walk, arrive at the destination,

rest, wash, both you and your clothes. eat, go to sleep. You might

slip in a few postcards/email and visit a couple of sights along the way.

That's it. Nothing more. Leaving a great deal for time to reflect on life.

It is in this space that you begin to get to grips with

all those problems that you have been pushing aside for years

All those memories that are too painful to confront. They and kindred

things are like a suitcase that you have stuffed for years with parcels.

All with a label that says to be dealt with some other time. The suitcase

is bulging, held shut by leather straps that are about to give way.

All this bursts out. Now is the time to deal with it. The stripped out

day allows for this deep healing of the soul. But it doesn't happen yet.

The rhythm of pilgrimage is more than the daily round. There are distinct

phases to the days and weeks. On that first day as you set off up the

hill to Roncevalles you soon begin to feel the pain. You have been doing

walks for sometime now, but these have not really prepared you for

what is ahead and what you are now doing. This mountain seems

to get steeper and steeper and it keeps on, up and up you go. And oh!

my limbs are not used to this. Willpower keeps you going. How can I

give up after a couple of hours on this walk. What would my wife say

You are on you own. Shyness, and the good old reserve, stop you from

saying much to those who follow you up the hill. Anyway you husband

all your energy to get up up this bit. It must end soon, but it does not.

You will by now be aching all over and be short of breath.

Praise be the top at last and a shortish walk down to

Our Lady of Roncevalles. Rest and blissful sleep.

The next morning, Off again. A few pains coming with me today, but

I soon walk through them to that place where I begin to doubt that

I can do this. Last night on my bed I looked at the guide again and

began to realise that 55o miles is a very long way. I must have been

mad to have thought that I could do it. In the dark I fell asleep

thinking that I would do as much as I can, but I will be on the

bus before I get to Santaigo.

The Sun is out and I have been talking to the people who I had

dinner with last night. They begin to tell me a some of their story

and it makes me feel a little more comfortable. They are having

the same problems on this walk as I am, and they have

painful blister in the same place as mine. We go on together.

It is night now I feel awful. I cannot do this even though I want too.

Too far, too long, too much. All I want to do is sleep. So I do. I awake

a feeling a little refreshed, but I am stiff and ache from top to toe.

I will go to bed after dinner and tomorrow I will think about how

I can get home. I do not care anymore about how I will explain this

to my wife.I do not care about loss of face. I want out.

Sleep comes quickly.

Day three. I still have some pains, but I could walk a little this morning.

Besides that will take me to Pamplona and it will be much easier to

get public transport from there. As I walk things easy somewhat.

Again ,I talk to those who are around me. No much and not very

deeply, but it is encouraging. I start to notice the countryside as I look

beyond the painful place that I am in. It seems that it sorta helps. In

my prayers, which have all been of the nature of 'God get me up this hill/

to the next bar/ to the Albergue' I begin to have a few other ideas

pushed in that are not about my exhaustion~ thanks for this beautiful place,

for these people, be with my wife at home. As this takes place I start

to think that today may not be the end after all. Besides I have

walked near 50 miles; almost 10% of the whole pilgrimage.

I don't know if I can do the whole lot, but I can do more.

I stop at an albergue on the far side of Pamplona, where the

owner/hospitaler is famous for the way she works on and heals feet. The

fame is well deserved as she works wonders on me and my feet.

This is the end of the first phase. It has all been about the body. The

distortion of modern life that has made us more cerebral that physical

is being redressed. The body and mind are painfully reunited. The

body has complained every step of the way and has made the mind l

listen to it. A painful lesson, but a good one. This pilgrimage is about

becoming whole. In Christian terms this very good. The whole

point of the little baby in the stable is that God did not spurn our

humanity but he embraced it. The salvation plan includes the

body. In far eastern religions. The body is a nuisance, something to be

overcome and left behind. Not so with us Christians. The body is part of

my spiritual nature. When Jesus returned to heaven, he took his body

with him. So God has a truly human face. We are discovering this

in a practical way. Soon as the body gets up to speed and the mind

interacts with the flesh in a proper manner, it will open up a whole

new vista. More of that later.

This post is now getting too long so I guess there will have to be a

part 3 to this post. Back soon.

Ian

There is a rhythm to Pilgrimage Part 1

2010-04-07T16:06:00.005+01:00

Two good friends of mine;Peter and Julie. Above St Jean

There is also a rhythm to blogs. And this one is right off the scale at the moment.It is also very late. How many times have I written that on this site? I have a love hate relationship with all this. I also paint and that is just the same. I hate to get started. When I am in the water things are fine and I get on and even enjoy it! But there are two things that tick me off .One is all that Html stuff. Sorting the page out so that it does not look like a distress spider has put it together.Even as I write the the blog page is double spacing everything. I didn't ask of it, did you? The other thing is having written a blog something freezes it up so that you can do nothing with it. You know, in your soul that,you are two or three moves away from a total delete.Like a road accident you know that it is going to happen whatever you do. You will make that move that will consign a full post into cyber oblivion. Well ,that is what happened with the last post,done a week ago. I have not had the energy to rewrite it. But I am on the way. So bear with me I am anti cyber at the moment. In contrast I had a great dream last night about being on pilgrimage and it was easy and I was was going along quite fast and far without any pains. It was only a dream.It does not happen like that. It did however remind me of the joys of pilgrimage.

So the excuses and a bit if a rant later I am ready to start the post about the rhythm of pilgrimage, but that will have to be part 2

There and back again,again!

2010-03-12T11:05:00.003Z

The title implies that I have done all this before and in some ways that is true. The difference this time is marked by the picture above. That is one part of the pilgrimage to Santiago that I have never been on before, going though the door of St James. As I am sure you will know, it is only opened for Holy Years and this year is one. There were other differences. The route was up the Via de la Plata from Ourense. I found it rather hard. That was because of many things, not least, that I am rather overweight at the moment. I am convinced and convicted that I must loose, not a few pounds, but many. Sadly there is no easy was to do this. Cut down on the eating and build up the walking ~the only steps that lead to the paradise of speed and feeling good at the end of a day's pilgrimage. This pilgrimage rather took me back to the first pilgrimage that I walked. That feeling of not knowing what is ahead and often failing to read the signs. For example, on this way there are municipal albergues at certain points. They are there for the good reason that the gaps between them are enough for one days walk. Some are a greater distance than others, this is when the section is easy. The closer together they are ,the more difficult the section. Nut brain , here, thinks in his own way, ' let's plough on, do two sections'. So one day was 11.5 hours walking. Difficulty indeed! This rather resulted in a less than spiritual pilgrimage, or so I thought at the time. The prayer was rather restricted to 'Lord get me up this hill/ to the Albergue. Higher intercession was lost in the physical grunt of getting on. But this is not a disaster. We are not followers of an eastern mystical teaching of spiritual detachment. Our God became flesh and took our flesh into the divine self. Thus we do not renounce the flesh, but embrace it, even when it is difficult and painful. And so another early lesson came back to mind that the shear physicality of pilgrimage can be prayer itself, body prayer. Archbishop Rowen recently said in a conference on Church fresh expressions that 'We should move into the space opened up by Jesus Christ'. This also means that we on a day to day talk hold of the day an make it part of the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom is found by possessing life rather than denouncing it.

We are off.

2010-02-28T16:44:00.003Z

We here we go again. This time it is a very short walk. Just enough to blow the winter blues away. Tomorrow morning I and another member of Peterbrough Pilgrims to Santiago, called Roger, will fly to Madrid. Then on the train to Sahagun and onward to Moritinos to see Rebekah and Paddy to discuss a few things with them about linking our Confraturnity to their work with Pilgrims. We are there until Wednesday when we will be catching the train again, this time to Ourense. We will walk the 110k to Santiago from there. Stay a nighty in Santiago and go down the valley to O Curruna to fly home to Heathrow a week on tuesday. I am really looking forwars to this trip. When I first thought about it,this trip was going to be an early december retreat and it is now lent.Time flies. So farewell for a few days. I may be able to post we shall see.

We are Pilgrims on the journey!

2010-02-23T22:38:00.008Z

Yeah! I know this has been a long week,and this post is really 10 days overdue. First lesson of Pilgrimage;nothing quite goes as you expect it. Sorry anyhow.

A number of things have been happening to me in the days since I last posted here. One of them is that I am going to Spain on Monday. This coming Monday 1st March. You may have already worked out that I lead a small confraternity in the middle of England. This fraternity has struck up a friendship with two wonderful supporters of pilgrims who live on the Camino. They are real friends to all who stop by at their place. Anyway this friendship is developing into something practical and useful that allows us be more involved with other pilgrims as they pass thought their hands. For us it is a halfway house to establishing an Albergue of our own. So, I and another member are going to make a visit to them to see their place and cement the friendship. We will be there two nights with the day between to talk and see how they are. But after that......... we are free to go off on a short pilgrimage of a few days, call it a Lenten retreat, Yippee.

We have decided that it would be a good thing to go for a Compostela for the collection, and that means that we must end up at Santiago. I have walked the Camino from St Jean, and also the way up from Oporto. So we have decided to set off from Ourense. 110k . Far enough, but not that far. It has however produced some interesting and I must say surprising thoughts in my head.It has occurred to me that these are exactly the questions that I had in my mind before I went on my first pilgrimage. Questions such as:- Will there be Albergues on the way? Will they be open? Do these folk who give advise on the forum really know what they are talking about? Will it be very cold or will I die on a hillside somewhere for want of food and somewhere to stay?

Now I know for my own experience that the answer to all these questions is that things will be fine. It will be great time. That does not stop the doubts for long. It has helped me see more clearly once again, what it is like to be a novice pilgrim. The answer to me and everyone is held in the wonderful words of Lady Julian of Norwich: All will be well, and all manner of things will be well!

Julian's words call us to faith that what lies ahead is safe and supported by people who know what they are doing. Julian is speaking about the whole of life. This in itself helps us begin to realise that the little worked example of life that we call a pilgrimage is meant to be writ large on our lives. That it is though this nursery experience of pilgrimage that we learn, maybe for the first time what it is to walk by faith.

If you are planning your first pilgrimage, watch the way that the faith you have now that it will be ok turns into the solid assurance of sellos in your credential.And in the words of a sixties song, 'Put your hand into the hands of the man who walked on water'.

The lesson, walk by faith and let others take the load. All will be well.

So, you've signed up for Santiago Pilgrimage!

2010-02-09T14:46:00.006Z

So, you have signed up for a pilgrimage to Santiago. You have heard the stories and tales from others about this important life event. In some way or another it seems a cool idea. Well, it did when you committed to it. Now you are not so sure. You have begun to think about what it really entails. All that walking. 750 k from St Jean. You are thinking that you were mad to agree. You will never make it. It is too far. You're over 50 perhaps and didn't think that you would take on this sort of physical challenge again. And here you are, with 2,3,4,5,6. months to prepare for the impossible! You are perhaps looking for the door marked exit, so that you do not have to go.....but others are expecting you to be there and you cannot let them down.

You have found this forum and it has added to your confusion. The old timers speak freely about routes and Albergues. They speak of the generosity of those along the way and it seems too good to be true.

Well; you can do it, no matter how it feels today and tales of generosity and modestly priced Albergues are true. The experiences of others that are offered on this site are reliable, so make use of them and ask as many questions as you can bring to mind. If it helps, my first pilgrimage is recorded further back on this blog. Read it, who knows you may find it helpful.

These matters are not really my main concern. I focus on the Spiritual aspects. You may not have thought about this facet of pilgrimage or it maybe the reason you are going or any point between. The one thing that I can promise is that your pilgrimage with surprise you beyond words. You may not have any faith whatsoever or a very small one that is a hang over from childhood experiences. No matter. The spiritual is in every breath of your trip. For some it helps develop their faith, others gain a growing awareness of things spiritual that is in spite of God rather than because of him. The long hours on the hillsides of Spain have their effect. We become reconnected to ourselves and nature. For city types this is awesome But we are getting ahead of where you are now.

So what do I say about now. That is easy. Your pilgrimage has already started. Everything that you do is part of the adventure. The journey does not start on the plane or at the airport, or even in France, Spain or Portugal, it began the moment you said yes. The preparations are as much part of the experience as arriving in Santiago. So enjoy these days and look to see what they can teach you about who you are and what you need in life!

I shall be posting on this blog about once per week, So come and join me again. I hope it will be useful. You have my prayers. Ian Holdsworth

A Change of direction

2010-02-08T22:47:00.002Z

There you have it. In the title. I am about to go in a different direction. Why I can hear you say? Simple. I reply. Because it is time. There is a rhythm to most things, even pilgrimage. In some ways I have been going against the natural cycle of things. So now is time to go with the flow rather than six months too late or too early depending on one's point of view. When I started this blog nearly a year ago, I thought that it would be easy to get through the early stages of description of my first pilgrimage, so that I could get on to the things that really interested me, namely exploring a practical theology of pilgrimage. Well it wasn't quick, and it took much longer than I thought that it would. So when everyone was coming to the end of the pilgrimage season and was thinking about a nice warm winter at home, my blog was still out on the hills taking about exploring the experience. Recently I have been speaking about keeping the experience alive, when a new crop of pilgrims are wondering if they have done the right thing signing up for along walk in the Spanish countryside, and by the way, what is a pilgrimage anyway? So now is the time to begin to go back to the very first days of pilgrimage and think about the spiritual nature in sync. with the stage folk are at. So amigos the next post, which I hope will be tomorrow, will start to meet the needs outlined. God Bless you all!

Homeward bound!

2010-01-27T10:12:00.007Z

Last Friday night, here at the Vicarage, we had a visit from our Youth

group. I say a visit it was rather more an invasion. Liz my wife leads

the group and they, that is the young people and her had decided that

this night was to be a 'Doctor Who' night.

For those who live outside the UK and have no idea what I am now

talking about I will explain Dr Who. This is a sci fi tv show which

started in the '60s. A few years ago it was revived by the BBC.

They changed the format and the focus audience to late teens early

twenties. It was a wow. So it has been playing with hour long specials

since the revival.

So they all troupe in for what is a thinly veiled party. They come as all

sorts of being from all over the Universe. They have little or no interest

in an aging Vicar, so I retreat to my study and more particularly my

computer. I start to surf and come across Garrison Keiller's show http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/www_publicradio/tools/media_player/popup.php?name=phc/2010/01/16/phc_20100116_64&starttime=01:32:44&endtime=01:47:00

I have read one of his books and enjoyed it. To find a pod cast in these

circumstances of my siege, was a delight. Since then I have thought

about the broadcast it rather a lot. I have been impressed with the last

few words where he speaks about allowing someone to come home,

whatever they have done, because it is their home, and that is what you do. .

What a wonderful way to think of what is happening to us and what

the significance of the mission of Jesus who opened the way for us to go

home. I think that we might be able to develop this idea as a means to

understand pilgrimage a little better.

I wonder what motivation causes us to decide to go on pilgrimage. I do

not think many folk can give any real answers as to why they go. It seems

in some sense, cool. So they go. Have you have heard a saying that

comes from seasoned pilgrims. ' You do not choose the Camino, the

Camino chooses you.' Which means that the time comes when pilgrimage

is most beneficial and at that point things come together in such

a way that results on you going. In my case I recognise that

this is true. I did not see it at the time when I first planned to go,but

the need was there. I could not see it. Only after the plans

were made did a great big abyss open at my feet and all the stuff of

the years that I had not dealt with flooded out. It was time for a life

sort out. There was no stopping it, it had to happen then. I was dragged

kicking and screaming into it. I am glad it happened as it made me

a different person in the process.

As I look back on it all, I can see clearly that it was the call of home.

The picture at the head of the piece is called 'Homeward bound'. The girls

portrayed are not pilgrims, but they could be. I've seen a few looking just

like them on the Camino. The call home is to the place where I

belong. At the start I was unaware of this call, but it took hold of me to

bring me to the place that was home. I have not arrived there

yet, as heaven is home. I am still travelling. The pilgrim still on the

way

Many people on pilgrimage begin as walkers and finish as pilgrims.

The soft sound of home falls on the dull ears that cannot even hear

the music of home. It is there though. And it heals the ears, the mind and

the heart. Some finish their first pilgrimage with ears healed and fully

tuned to the music of home. Others can just make out a muffled,

tiny noise, that might only be tinnitus. More healing is needed.

Whatever stage we come back from pilgrimage, we need to

allow the music of home to continue to fall on us. In this

way we become lifelong pilgrims, even if we do not

go back to Santiago again. It does help though to keep

setting aside times of Camino. Some find that it almost

becomes addictive. Tasting the joys of heaven, even if

it is distant has that way with you. It calls you back for

more. Jesus speaks of it as thirst. ''Blessed are those who

hunger and thirst for right living. They will be satisfied''.

2010-01-23T09:29:00.002Z

This is a picture of my own front door. It is the door of St Mary's Vicarage

in Northampton. It is the boundary between home and the rest of the world.

Beyond this door is the safe space of home. It is the door through which I

pass as I start my pilgrimages. As I put my foot on this side, I start the

pilgrimage. After a few weeks, I end the pilgrimage by crossing the

threshold. When I first started going on pilgrimage I thought that

the pilgrimage did not really start until I was on the aircraft or even in

Spain. I came to see that I was mistaken.

If you follow the pilgrim forums, you will know that towards the end of

the year, about September time, posts begin to appear that speak of

post-camino blues. This condition is the result of going on pilgrimage

and finding there is a different way to live. This has many causes,

generous hospitality, welcoming albergues, pilgrims who engage freely

with each other, living in an atmosphere of trust, some time alone to get

the head straight, time to pray inside churches and in the open

countryside, all lead, with many other experiences to a realization that

there is a better way to live. The pilgrim returns and meets a blank wall

in the faces of those friends with who he tries to share his joys. Slowly the

old style of anxiety driven life re-establishes itself. Thus an internal conflict

arises between the pilgrimage and 'real' life. Th so called 'Real life' pushes

one back into its own mould. For some the answer is to go on as many

pilgrimages as possible, till the day when the body has had enough.

There is another root cause. On pilgrimage the interior life comes to the

fore. For many this is the first time that they have even begun to discover

that there is such a dimension to their being. This is the part that has to

be guarded. It is easy to experience the externals of pilgrimage and

believe that the heart of it is in the staying at albergues, talking

to other pilgrims etc. But these are only expressions of what is going

on deep below. In the same way that giving to a beggar is a sign of a

heart that is given to generosity. The gift is not the heart, but the fruit.

So to return to the front door. Every time I set out, wherever I am going,

is in some way a Camino. A going out to encounter God in others and

through events that happen to me out there. What happens at home,

the internal life of prayer and meeting with our Lord in the peace and

quiet are the heart. If the internal stops, then the Camino stops and the

blues at the sense of defeat, set in. Once you begin to be a pilgrim it does

not end. Keep on walking.

2010-01-18T16:37:00.001Z

The post below is date 18 January 2010. I do not know how to delete a full post date and all. If you do let me know. Ian h.

A life of Pilgrimage

2010-01-13T08:41:00.003Z

I have just been reading a blog by Rebekah Scott.www.moratinoslife.blogspot.com/ Do please read her most recent posting 13 January 2010 titled 'We cannot go on like this'.She has sent me in deep thought about the nature of pilgrim and hospitality. I will assume that you have skipped off to read the most important post. In yesterdays Sunday Telegraph there was a piece in the travel section that looked at what Spain had to offer. In this could be found a paragraph or so about the Camino Budget-Stretchers:- Walking or cycling along the pilgrimage route across northern Spain, the Camino do Santiago, is an experience on many levels,and a cheap holiday,too.... ......Stay at Pilgrim's hostels along the way for next to nothing, with maybe a bit of luxury at one of the historic Paradors along the route. The whole thing takes about three weeks, but can be split into manageable sections........

(That is if you take the bus from time to time. This is my addition. IH.) The words that stick in the throat are 'cheap holiday'Cheap for whom.? As Rebekah tells us someone has to pay for it, somewhere. I think that a little thought is needed on hospitality. Even the word has pilgrim echos , hospitality... that which I get at a hospital....the place of welcome whilst on pilgrimage. For those who are after a cheap skate holiday. The real idea of pilgrimage hardly matters. For pilgrims, it is a journey with a purpose. The Camino purpose is spiritual and Christian. It is about the development of our response to God.To look beyond the material, whilst looking through ourselves and seeing our need of healing to the Divine source of our being. However the issue cannot be left at this point. There are many who set off on a cheap walking holiday along the Camino who become pilgrims. This happens because they experience more than they had bargained for. It happens, in part, because the love of our Lord is expressed through the acts of kindness that are experienced along the way. So to the point of the dilemma. By charging a full commercial rate we deny the very values that we are trying to promote. Pilgrimage at it's best must say ' there is a better way to live, than the one that you have been on so far'. The better way to live is by giving and receiving hospitality,refusing to be pulled in by the material dialectic that is the base of the modern western world, to live in the light of eternity, and to stop fooling yourself and others about who and what you are. Where does that leave us? Firstly there will always be those who are out for a cheap thrill and someone else's expense. Human nature will not go away. But there will be those who find the truth of Pilgrimage. And there will be those who know what they are about and take the pilgrimage in a proper spirit from day one. Secondly; For those who have enjoyed a true pilgrimage, there are consequences.We have freely received, so we must freely give. It is up to us to show support for those on the front line that we have got the point of what Rebekah and other have done for us by joining them and supporting their efforts properly. This burden should not be for them alone. If you are a true pilgrim then show it.

Under the tinsel and glitter

2010-01-07T15:39:00.004Z

Today is the day after the feast of the Epiphany. All is now peaceful for the Christian priests of the world. We have blessed cribs and parishioners, taken services and celebrated the Divine mysteries, whilst we have been overtaken, as has everyone else, with celebration of a family Christmas. The Kings have come and presented their gifts and departed another way. And so, at last we can return to the life of meditation, prayer and teaching that we are better suited to. And a time to return to matter of pilgrims, the posting of a blog and an invitation. Well two actually. . So here goes. We are having a party to celebrate the arrival of St James in Galicia,that is Peterborough Pilgrims to Santiago and me. It is on 30 Jan 2010 at noon. Pilgrim mass followed by a Spanish lunch, pilgrim conversation and fellowship, a talk on Pilgrims and Pilgrimage in literature, a short business meeting and tea. All are invited some come and join us. There is no charge, but if you want to make a donation towards costs that is fine. If you would like to join us~numbers to ianholdworth@aol.com. It will be at:- St Mary's Church, Towcester Road, Northampton NN4 8EZ. I will also need to know if you are a veggie. . The second invitation is to leave a comment on this blog site. Discussion is the best form of communication. If you do not relate to what I am saying, I really want to know about it. I also want to know if you disagree with what I am saying. Should I be in error, I want to be out of it , so if you can help me with the truth , that would be great. So speak up. If you have nothing much to say, how about ticking the boxes at the bottom of each post. Thanks a mil. . It is of interest to reflect on the busy-ness of Christmas and the peace of the present season. It rather brings out the nature of reflection. When all is action and celebration there is little time to think and centre. This is fine for a while, but it becomes too much after a time. The over extension of life leads to a sort of death.This pattern is repeated so often throughout our lives. We built a life that has little contact with the reality that is really life. We need to stop and take a step aside so that we can centre and draw from what is deep within us. Touch base if you will. The base that we touch is in fact God himself. He is deep within us. It has a direct link with pilgrimage. . Pilgrimage allows us to centre. That time of quite walking without many distractions or responsibilities, permits us to be honest. We are helped by the anonymity. There is no need to pretend that we are anything other than a pilgrim on the way. The differences of status and wealth are hidden. There is nowhere to hid, or to be modest in an albergue. So we cease to feed the false self. It dies, so to speak for a while.The layers are stripped back. For some it is a new experience. It can be painful. We take the dead flesh of our humanity on pilgrimage and it is there that we begin to admit to ourselves and God what a rotting corpse we are and in that honesty God is able to begin to breath life into us. . On return the challenge is to maintain that true self and not allow the false to get a hold again.

2009-12-10T12:08:00.008Z

I am sorry if you tried to follow the link to Peterborough pilgrims web site.. As you discovered I gave a wrong address. The correct address is http://www.pilgrims-to-santiago.com/ I have changed it on the last page if you are wondering what on earth I am talking about. To see the changed site you will need to empty your browser's cache first! ... Look on the site and you will see all the pilgrimages that I am organising this holy year of St James. If you want to join us you are more than welcome. That is a worldwide welcome. If you would like to explore the possibility you can either email through the link on the site or directly. ianholdworth@aol.com. I do hope that you take up this offer. If you are worried about Internet scams then you will be glad to know that all the costs will be paid by you directly to those providing the service, planes, albergues, meals etc. Peterborough pilgrims do not get involved with money matters. .. There are a few exceptions, 1. We do book ex UK flights. 2. We pay for a taxi for transfers in the UK and pass on the costs to you. 3. We do need a donation to help the society to function. .. We are willing to help in every way we can, so should you want us to do more then we will, but we are not a tour company. If you wish to take responsibility for everything that is fine by us.. We look forward to walking with you.

Practical prayer pilgrimage.

2009-11-22T16:47:00.017Z

Yes I do know that it is two weeks since the last post or is it more. Developments have been afoot here for next year and that takes up time. Peterborough Pilgrims have been meeting and we have discussed what we are going to do next year. New leaflets have been printed and the distribution has started. The plans for next year will be published on the web site in a few days. If you want to join us then you are most welcome. When it is published, follow the link and walk with us. It would be really good to get together! http://www.pilgrims-to-santiago.com

It seems rather strange to the about to write a practical blog at this time of year. It is raining outside and any sensible pilgrim is tucked up in the warm. There will be little chance of trying out what I am going to suggest for sometime yet. But a promise is a promise so here goes. But I must stress that the following is my experience.It is not 'the' way it must be done, perhaps it is one amongst many. .

When you set off give yourself a little time to settle into the rhythm of the day. This need not be a long time, do not fall into the trap of putting a start off and so waste the day. After a little while begin to think about all those things you want to pray about. For 98% of these are contained within the category of 'God bless Mummy and Daddy' prayers, the things that you need God to do for you. Please do not think that I want to devalue these needs.Our Father has invited us to cast all out burdens on him. Some of these requests are very serious and you will not proceed very far until you have addressed them. There are however, like birds that will keep dropping down into the silent space to feed off your prayer time, if you let them. Deal with them first and sent them on their way. This takes about 45 minutes to one hour for me. There are times when the problems you bring are so massive that you do not get very far from them. This is not a failing. On my first pilgrimage it took many days to move on from here.( The story is on earlier posts. If you have not read my story perhaps it would help you to read it so that you are able to understand where I am coming from) ..

There is much work to be done here. All those hurts and pains of previous times need healing. They are healed by looking at them and through them in prayer. Opening up to God's spirit all those dark rancid corners that have not seen the light of day for years. It may be ,as I have said already, that you will need to go over much ground and even go over it many times. But do not rush it as this is one of the reasons you are here on Pilgrimage. You have a great deal of time to use, so use it wisely. ..

There is also the 'holding up before God' those things that are of concern to you, but with which you are not directly involved, but are of real concern to you. Aunt Maud's operation that she is to have later today and many other similar things. If may feel as thought the list is inexhaustible, but is is not. You will get to the end of it. ..

Do not be misled at this point. You have run out of words, but the prayer is not over. Prayer is not just a shopping list. It is more about relationship than words. The example of two lovers comes to mind at this point. When they first meet each other after a period of separation, they cannot stop taking. After a while the words cease and silence takes over. This silence is about harmony and togetherness. Should one of the lovers wander off at this point, this coming together would be halted, with no little distress as the link is smashed. The absence of words does not mean an absence of communication. So with prayer . Silence has eloquence of its own. ..

There are times when it is not possible to get into this active state of silence. This is where the use of the 'Jesus prayer' is helpful. The prayer goes like this~ 'Lord Jesus Christ. Son of God. Have mercy upon me.' Say it over and over. It has a mantra like quality. It will focus the mind and draw you into the presence of God. It works by stilling the surface mind by giving it something to do whilst the lower levels detach and follow the lover. ..

A little discernment is needed here. The thoughts that come into the mind are not all enemies of the soul. Some thought will not be your thoughts, but God's answer to the hopes and questions that you have expressed in the earlier opening section or even from other days. So weigh the thought carefully and quickly. If it is not of the moment, say, I wonder how Man U are doing? put the thought down and walk on. If it is not of prayer, but is important the write it down on a note pad and work through it later. If on the other hand you begin to discern the hand of God within it answering and taking you on into new truth then allow it to run in this Holy prayer space. It will be in this way that God will speak to you, healing you and giving you the next steps of your life pilgrimage. ..

The ground is now cleared to go to the next level. Levels are a great way to think about prayer. In former times and in earlier understandings of God, God was seen as 'out there'. the Deity who was watching us from on high. This is not enough. St Augustine spoke of God as the ground of our being. He is the first principle. He comes first before everything. He comes before my thought about him. He is foundational. We on the other hand are secondary. Our thinking is built on the ground of our being. He is down there in the depths of my being. Thus as I focus and find the still centre of my being I begin to find God. This is why we have cleared the decks, dug down, stilled the heart to travel into his presence. ..

As well as being relationship, prayer is also experimental theology. That is not to say that we are free to make it up as we go long. But it is the space where we find out things about God by observation of the situation that we find ourselves in. Prayer on pilgrimage has a good slice of this experience. As with physical science, this science of God needs patience and insight into what is happening. Without acute observation much can be missed. The silent centre can be mistaken for just a silent place or we can go deeper into it and get to God's heart. ..

Tresa Of Avila and St John of the Cross, both Spanish mystics, have written about the darkness of God. By that they mean that God is so other that he cannot be seen with any of our existing senses. That he is also such intense light that to look on him produces an instant blindness.But look we must! It is in this looking that we experience him. There is a direct link between this blinding darkness of God and the deafening silence that we experience in pilgrim prayer. We peer into the dark, strain our ears in the silence and meet with the ground of our being. ..

This takes time and persistence. We have to become tuned into his presence. When we are, all takes on a new awareness, an awareness of him, that in time becomes a daily opening to us of the God space, not restricted to our wonderful pilgrimages.

Steals on the ear the distant triumph song

2009-11-04T08:33:00.005Z

We have thought about the metanarritive and now we move on to Metanoia~the transformation of consciousness beyond the capacity of human will and faculties.

Image, and it will not take a great deal of effort as this part of the subject has been used many times in movies and TV plays, a man or woman who has lost their memory. A good example of such a film is 'Overboard' starring Goldie Horn; made in 1987.

. To the one who has lost his or her memory, all is blank before this present moment. They have no past, no family, no context ,they just are! It is as though they have dropped out of a creative place that has delivered them as complete adults, here at this precise moment in time. He has no self beyond the here and now. A kind soul discovers him and tries to help. He is successful, in that he, that is the kind soul, finds out a great deal about the amnesiac from other sources. In his kindness he tries to reboot the memory of the amnesiac, but the more the amnesiac hears the more uncomfortable he becomes. A construct warp is produced in him. He needs to hear about who and what he is, but the more he hears, the more he cannot bear to hear it. From the outside he hears truth about himself, but within, the internal truth of the moment does not resonate with what he hears and so he is disturbed by the warp between the two realities. He is not able to see his person as he is in the memory of others . This is the state of man. But mankind is one more step beyond; he has forgotten that he has forgotten.

. Then one day without warning something happens,and he regains a fragment of an event, a word of a previous conversation, a memory from a photograph discovered by accident, when he remembers himself as the subject of the photograph and things begin to change, the warp moves into alignment and his memory becomes harmonised. let's take for example the case of a Prince who has had this experience of losing him memory. He is also not aware that he has forgotten everything. To him his life on the street is normal. That is who he is. One day one of his subjects recognises him for who he is and bows to him indicating through a discussion who he really is. The Pauper/Prince looks at the other fellow and thinks him mad. Perhaps he humours him for a while, to be safe. He ultimately goes off back onto the street feeling sorry for 'that odd man who accosted me and mistook me for someone else'

. To the Prince amnesia is normal and forgetfulness crazy. All humanity labours under this forgetfulness. The mass of people are not aware that they have forgotten who they are. And sadly most have not yet had any disturbance of their construct warp. They do not know that they are forgetful and view the few who have had an experience that has begun to awaken them as crazy.

. The walking of a pilgrimage is one of the ways that we get a little message from home. The quite hours of walking without major pressing external matters allows us to hear that song of heaven that as the hymn 'For all the Saints' puts it ~ Steals on the ear the distant triumph song. Even so there are those who want to maintain their forgetfulness and insist that there is nothing beyond and so close their ears to the siren song of heaven that is calling them to their lost inheritance, their real selves.

. So if you want to apply this to the question, who are true pilgrims? the answer must be everyone, as God calls everyone to become who he created them to be. All are pilgrims but not all are willing to walk the whole distance home, which is not Santiago, but Heaven.

. This leaves us with the question 'How do I use pilgrimage as a tool to recreation? How do I hear the song of heaven and regain my real nature?

. That will be the substance of the next post.

Travelling together.

2009-10-23T08:47:00.004+01:00

We have thought a little about types of pilgrimage in general and in detail about pilgrimage of place. Now a few thoughts about pilgrimage as journey. ..

I think that it is more helpful to think about this subject as pilgrimage of narrative. When we set off on that first walking pilgrimage' we begin a new story. We have never done this before, we do not really know what to expect and we wonder what it going to happen to us and even if we are capable completing the task. It is the beginning of a story. This story has a beginning and we hope a middle and an end. It is linear in nature following the secession of days and places. However it is not the only story in progress. It is part of the bigger story that we call our life. Our story has become complex and parts of it seem to repeat in such a way that we wonder if it is going around in circles. For many the whole reason of going on pilgrimage is that personal story has become so complex and difficult that 'I need to get away and sort things out'. We take time out of our big story to engage on the small and simplified story of the Camino. Easier to handle! .

To help think through these thoughts I would like to introduce a set of labels of these stories. The labels are the Camino narrative~ the framework that doing the walk imposes on all who set off. i.e days of walking, time for reflection,staying in the Albergue, eating with other pilgrims etc; My narrative~ the story of my life; Finally the Meta narrative~ the story of God in relation to mankind that some call the Gospel story, the life of Jesus and the life of faith. ( For those who are theologically or philosophically savvy I would like to say that I do not at this point want to debate the whole post~ modern thing about the existence or not of the meta narrative. On this blog it is a given) ..

So I start walking from, say St Jean. Up the long hill to Spain and Santiago. As I walk on that first day all is new to me. I marvel at the breathtaking beauty.I converse happily with a few other pilgrims, just odd exchanges at first. These folk are strangers at the moment. It is hard work and I wonder if I am going to make it to the top of the hill let alone Santiago. But all too quickly the day ends as I enter the campus of our lady of Roncevalles. Check in, get a sello, and walk down the hill to my bunk. I shower, put on new clothes, sink a beer, book dinner, go to mass, eat and before 10pm, go to sleep. Next day I get up and start the same again. On this second day things are a little different. There is that interesting bloke I talked to over dinner last night. I walk along with him for a while, we begin to tell each other a little about ourselves. Slowly a pattern emerges to the day. This we fall into and enjoy. We are discovering the Camino Narrative. The narrative is similar everyday, with different scenery until it delivers me to Santaigo. .

Let's look at the bloke that I have had dinner with, and have now walked with. Call him John! I have never met John before and I know that I will never meet him again. He is becoming a friend. This friendship is contained. He lives in Canada in a small town I have never heard of, I will never go there.He is not sure if he will ever come to Europe again, let alone the town I live in. We are however sharing a demanding task that is drawing us together. This friendship is not of the normal kinsd that I have experienced before. It has a strange intimacy. This is in part due to the ' brothers in adversity' syndrome and in part to the fact that in truth he knows nothing of me except what I choose to tell him. After the Camino I will never see him again and those who are part of my normal daily life will never meet him or hear what he can say about me. So he is safe. I can tell him me deepest secrets, opening up areas that I have not visited for some years. I can do this in a place that is more secure than any confessional box. So I am liberated to tell him anything and everything. This bring it own joys and therapy. .

I am not however always talking to John. I am talking to others, sharing and hearing secrets. Added to this, there are times when I am on my own. In this space I reflect on My Narrative, turning it over and over in my hand. This stone of my past may be sharp. It cuts me as I think about it over and over, but as I turn the stone over, I am able so see think a little more clearly at this distance. Over and over it goes. After a while I begin to notice that the sharp stone is not so sharp, it is becoming a pebble, smooth and shiny. I get to the point where I don't even have to turn it over. After a further little while I don't what to carry it any more, so without fuss in my own quite way, I put it down on the ground. I walk on away from Cruz Ferro, healed. .

There is a pattern building up here. Think of it this way if you will. Along the ground, laid out for me to walk, is the linear Camino Narrative. It is more or less fixed and the yellow arrows hold me on the way. As I walk I overlay the Camino Narrative with My Narrative. I do this by the things I share with others, my own thoughts as I go and the pebbles of now tamed past hurts that I lay down on the camino and walk away from. In so doing the Camino Narrative becomes My Narrative and I am changed. This is the common experience of all who go on pilgrimage. .

A little aside. If I say to John that is is not a real pilgrim because he is not interested in spiritual things He is deeply offended and argues with me,' who can define pilgrimage. I have no right to tell him that he is not a proper pilgrim.' I would like to say that there is a total miscommunication here. He hears what I say as 'You do not have a a Camino Narrative'. He has however a very definite Camino Narrative. If I am saying to him that the has no Camino narrative he feels like I am saying that he has no narrative at all. He is a non person. No wonder he is upset. I on the other hand have been trying to say that he has not gone to the third stage of the narrative. And perhaps he would agree on this form of understanding, that is if he accepts that there might be a third stage. .

Stage three pilgrimage is when I lay My narrative on the Camino Narrative and use the two together to overlay the Meta-narrative in such a way that I enter into an experience of God. The classical term for this is prayer. ( Don't be put of by the word. It can mean going down on one's knees, but it is mostly about being with God). As we reflect on our narrative, we also reflect on the Christian Narrative and draw from it ways of understanding what is happening to us. This is school of prayer is to help us navigate our future narrative. When the pilgrimage is over the Camino Narrative , a sort of template, is removed. The lesson we are invited to take away with us is how to walk the Meta~Narrative in the same way as we have walked the Camino Narrative. Or to put it another way. When we cease to walk the Camino we take with us the understanding of how to walk with the one who said ' I am the Camino~I am the the way, the truth, the life'.

Towards a theology of place.

2009-10-12T17:33:00.008+01:00

It is time to return to the main thrust of these pages. A few days ago we were thinking about the different types of pilgrimage that are at work in Santiago Pilgrimage. I would like in this blog to amplify the theology of place a little more.

As we have already seen, Helen, Constantine's Mother was in many ways the Mother of this type of pilgrimage when she went to the Holy sights in Jerusalem in the mid-forth century. It is interesting to note that about the same time an understanding about Icons was also developing. Although it does not seem so on the surface, there is a deep link between them. So let's examine the Icon above .

As you may know it is by Rublev. He depicts the Trinity. Christ in the

centre ;the Spirit on the left and the Father on the right. They are

contained within a circle and at the bottom there is an opening in the

circle. This expresses that the relationship between them is all

encompassing,but that it is open to us. They are all clothed with blue,

the colour of heaven and another colour. This speaks of the different

characteristics of each person. The Father has a sumptuous robe of

gold~The Glory of the Father. The Spirit has green the colour of

new growth and the Son has brown, the hue of the earth as depiction

of his humanity. Before them is a shared dish representing the

hospitality shown by each to each of that which is also a common

possession to them.

So that is what it is saying, what about the question, what is it?

Is it just an interesting picture or is it an idol, a false God made

by human hands.? It is neither of these things. A better way to

think about it is as a window through which we look to see what

is happening now. In the case of a Saints Icon for example, they

are not in the cold earth but in heaven. At this moment they

are enjoying the life of heaven and we are allowed to see them

as they are now. A sort of static heaven TV. As we pray we

engage with them, not only as they are now but also with all

their history, we are encountering the totality of their present

being. In this engagement there is a two way flow. We see them

through the window of the picture and prayer and they sent us

help and the grace of our Lord Jesus as they have experienced it.

It is a total person to person engagement.

A Holy place is like Icon. In the case of Santiago it is the Icon

of St James. A place where we can engage

with him as he was and as he is. So the Pilgrim Mass is

an expression( all be it a pale Shadow ) of the heavenly

banquet and our arrival in heaven. The hugging of the Saint

is more than a wooden statue, it is a hugging of a real man as

one would greet a close friend. The picture can be added to,

but I think that you get the idea.

There is a process of engagement that is subjective

within the pilgrim. This is where a limiting can happen. If the

Cathedral is taken within the narrow confines of a material

human encounter, then it is just Words and Architecture.

I do not go deeper, because I do not have the eyes of Faith

to go deeper. If I look deeper, then I am able to go deeper.

The hymn writer George Herbert, drawing on St Paul's

writings and St James' epistle ( Bishop of Jerusalem,

brother of our Lord, not Santiago) in his hymn ;

'Teach me my God and king';

has these words that sum up this idea :-

The man that looks on glass,

on it may stay his eye,

but if it pleaseth, through it pass

and there the heaven espy.

So a theology of place has within it the deliberate placing

of oneself in proximity to a sacred site.This is not only

a reccy of where such and such happened, but an active

engagement with the subject of that site( In the case of

Santiago, with St James.)It is a here and now encounter

with, who they were, what they did and what they have

become,their present reality that communicates the grace

that they have and are receiving in such a way that we are

able to participate in their experience of Christ.

A little way of smallness.

2009-10-08T11:07:00.007+01:00

This is a picture of St Theresa of Lisieux. She was born on the 2 January 1873 in Alencon. She entered the Carmelite house in Lisieux in April 1888. She used nature to explain and teach about the Kingdom of God. She is often referred to as the 'Little flower'.The great motif of her teaching is helpful to us at his place in the ongoing discussion. ( I rather think that we are in an interesting cul de sac at the moment. Important matters that have to be dealt with before we can proceed). The motif is called her 'little way'. She pictures herself as a little bird. This bird is happy to look at the Sun above with joy. But for her the idea of flying high with the Eagles is not within her capacity, no matter how much she may wish it. She is content to be as she is. But she says she can soar with the Eagles should the Eagle comedown to where she is. It is not for her to do great things of faith but the strew wherever she goes with flowers. These flowers are the small acts of kindness, faith, charity, and love. In so doing the greatest Eagle, Jesus, comes down to where she is and they fly together. I find this idea helpful in thinking about pilgrimage, or more correctly engaging on a pilgrimage. There are the Eagles who soar to great feats of distance in impossibly short times. There are those who are able to make a great time of prayer and worship of their pilgrimages. That is for them, they are Eagles, I am not. However the strewing of flowers is possible. Sharing a few moments with those who have problems, Sharing potions and lotions and all the 'small ' things are to hand. So the Christ is incarnate again in the face and hands of another. These small act do not come without effort, it may be a small effort, but it is a great feat of strength for a little bird. It is a journey to the end of myself to find God. It may not be to the heights. But does that matters for Christ has come down to the small places. Therese died at 28 years of age of Consumption. 25 years later she was made a Saint. This was after her small way had been tried firstly by fellow nuns and later by a wider group who found her teaching inspired them. It is a paradox that in following the little way and passing it on to others that she became one of the most loved and revered Saints of the last century. Or to put it another way. Her way of smallness led to greatness. The little bird became a great Eagle. And what you see as your own little way is of the greatest importance and is not for others to discount or laugh at, wherever you and they are coming from. Flowers on the way to Santiago near Pontevedra.

Live and let live

2009-10-07T19:41:00.004+01:00

As I write I am becoming aware that I have opened something up here. I also seem to be speaking into situations and message boards that have had discussions on 'true pilgrimage' which have run and run. For the most part it seems that they have caused bruising to all concerned. These discussions have left baggage on the ground for everyone who comes after them to fall over all. And we are in danger of falling into the arguments of others. So I would like to say a couple of things to get the floor of my blog cleared of danger. My understanding of the Christian call is inclusive. That is, that it is to all people everywhere. What they are and who they are is not an issue. The only qualification to be a disciple of Jesus is, to want to be one. A disciple is one who follows. In the case of St James, it was to be with Jesus for three years, learning to way of love and the opening up his soul to God's changing Spirit. So it follows that, I welcome anyone who has heard that call, without reserve or judgement of their starting place. Not that I am trying to make disciples for me. There is only one disciple master and that is Jesus. Therefore, it is not for me to make any judgements about someone's disciple. I am a fellow traveller. You are called to travel. That's great. Let's walk along for awhile together. In the case of the subject of pilgrimage I am not in a position to judge the validity of what you are doing. I have enough to work out what I am doing. If you ask me a question or need my help then ,I give it to you gladly. But I do not wish to insist that you must receive whatever I have, and most certainly I am not trying to develop something that puts barriers up and excludes anyone. Thus you must tell me, if you are a true pilgrim, because I do not know until you tell me. It may be that your behaviour is a little strange and exotic. That is because I have not encountered it before. You do not do what I do because I do not do what you do. But what you do, is an expression of pilgrim discipleship from where you come from. It may also be the key that I need to open up the pilgrim experience in a way that allows me deeper into God., so it is foolish for me to discount it. My aim on this blog is theology. That is the science of God. This science has two fields of research. One; What the scriptures have to say in any given situation. Two; What is the present experience of God in that given situation. For this discussion the first stays the same the second is restricted to pilgrimage. It goes without saying that long distance pilgrimage by foot,horse or bike is a re-discovered experience,one that was lost for some considerable time and is now found. And so I want explore the questions that the experience raises in relation to what can be seen and experienced of God in and through this human activity. My instinct is that, there is something very deep and profound here. That, it is in layers that need a certain amount of consideration. That, only then will this spiritual experience of wondering across Spain yield up its' treasure. From my own experience I know it is not just a walk in the Sun. So what is it? These are the questions that I am trying to delve into. I welcome your help. Thanks. Theology is like a building, say a large Cathedral , that takes many centuries and generations to build. Each generation of builders adds a layer. Often the first work the next generation does is to knock down part of what the previous generation has built because it is out of true.Then, they can add their layer. So I invite discussion. Knock down what I am saying because you think it is false. I want to build true and a few well placed wreaking balls are helpful. If , however you are wanting to demolish the whole building because you dislike the idea of Christian anything, then that is rather straying into the area of you insisting that I walk my pilgrimage your way and by what I have said in the above ideas, that is not part of the deal. Live and let live!

We are all pilgrims.

2009-10-06T10:00:00.002+01:00

If you follow the various pilgrim blogs and sites you will not get very far before you come against the thorny question of what is a real pilgrim? For some it is that you walk a considerable distance, or go even further on a bike or a horse. Many pages have been written by all sorts and conditions of men,with many opinions. There has also been anger and distress about such and such a group not being real pilgrims. Even the Cathedral get in on the act and add to the melee. They add that a true pilgrimage is about being and getting to Santiago. For them it is the arrival that counts. However to most pilgrims I have talked to there is a greater interest in the journey. The arrival at the bones of the Saint is interesting ,a relief and even joyous arrival but it soon palls leaving something of a disappointment that it is all over and it is now time to go home. There is a sharp divide between those who have stayed in Albergues and Hostals and walking along the way and the mainly parish groups who come by motor coach from various parishes within Spain. To those who think that they have got there the hard way, they are at best an intrusion at worse 'they' prevent 'us' from doing the real pilgrim stuff in the Cathedral because they take up space to which the are not entitled to occupy and they are not pilgrims but tourists. What is the truth of all this? I think that a little clarity can be brought to this matter by asking what sort of theology is in place in the extraordinary activity of Pilgrimage. Helen, Constantine the great's mother went to Jerusalem in the early fourth century on pilgrimage. She when to discover what was left of the Holy sites, where they were and what could be saved of them. She went to see for herself and to experience as many of the echoes of Christ and the Apostles as possible.This was the first great pilgrimage of the rich and powerful. I do not thing that there is any record of her trying to make it as difficult as possible for herself to get there. She used the means of transport that the average mother of the Roman Emperor would use and got there as fast as possible. The place was what was important. Now we could stop at this point and say that proves that it doesn't matter how I get there, it is the being there that counts. But if we do, we short change many people. However we do note that a theology of place is developing. The tired walkers spend many hours out in the wilds contemplation their lives and their relation to God and the world in which we live.To them this is important. ( I know that many will say that they do not believe in God.That nature is all that there is. With a little further thought this becomes rather a non question. Look at it this way. A classical description of God is the other of which a greater cannot be conceived.For some this greatest is at the level of the natural order, for others a much higher being is obvious. But for our enquiry, if nature is the greatest to be conceived, then that is God. The real question becomes is God personal. Does he have a persona or is it a random inanimate force of which we are the victims, because we have been by that force, brought into being. I believe in the persona of God or to be much more precise the Christian understanding of God becoming human flesh in Christ Jesus!) To these walkers there is an experience that goes beyond words. For a great number this is life changing. These changes are different from the visit the Santiago's bones. It is a different experience. In the scriptures we find many accounts of life changing journeys. The exodus from Egypt, return from Babylon, the missionary journeys of the 70 in the Gospels and Paul trips with Barnabas to name a few. These biblical examples point to truths about the Christian life as journey.These mirror and point to the central belief of the journey to heaven; life as pilgrimage. And coming full circle, understanding of this Christian life is enhanced beyond measure by walking 'pilgrimage'.It is then that the biblical pictures come alive. So we have to admit that there is a theology of journey at work. So in Santiago Pilgrimage two distinct theologies are at work. One of Place and another of Journey. They are separate experiences. So a walker may say of one on the coach ' You have a defective pilgrimage of journey', but the pilgrim who have arrived at the Cathedral by coach can say that the walker is deficient as a pilgrim to the place. This points up for me, that it is not for us to judge another's pilgrimage. But rather that we should engage in the most comprehensive pilgrimage of which we are capable. The subject of pilgrimage is not to be found in how someone, unconnected to me does it , but rather that we engage with the Divine in as many ways as we are able, who is the true subject. Please make a comment, whoever you are and wherever you come from, on my posts it does aid clarity and helps to draw out a true understanding of pilgrimage. IAN

A little closing of the eyes and the months have gone

2009-10-03T17:23:00.003+01:00

I cannot believe that it is now October. It is equally difficult to accept that I have not written this blog since May. But as I think about it, May does seem a very long way off. Since then I have planned dispatched and received back five groups of pilgrims. Not quite true; I took the last group to Stansted airport for the flight to Madrid and the train on this morning. With the work of getting it all together for the leaders of the groups and the various bookings as well as a busy parish to serve, it has been busy all summer. I have been reading Rebecca Scott's blog as well as Johnnie Walker's blog over the summer. Each time I read them they make me feel a number of things. Firstly, disappointment when they have not added to their pages. This becomes deep guilt as I have not added anything to mine for such a long time. That is supposing that anyone is reading it? Secondly they have made me wish that I could drop everything and go off and walk the Camino north from Madrid and the route to Oviedo that Rebecca has spoken off so delightfully. I do not think that I will be able to do either this year or even have the funds. So it is time to hunker down for the winter. In the last post I promised that I would begin to develop a theology that revolved around and discussed pilgrimage. It seems to me me that the old picture of dial up connections vs broadband is helpful in getting so sort of handle on the pilgrim experience. Let me explain! Do you remember when computers became a household item. They gave us dial-up. It took forever, and for most of us it meant that we could either speak to our friends on the phone or we could surf the net. It was slow and very limiting. Along came broadband. It means that I can post this, my wife can talk to her friends. With the aid of a network my children can be on Facebook or researching for their homework, all at the same time. A large number of things are going on across a broad spectrum. It maybe that I am not fully aware of all that is going on, but that does not mean that it is not happening. The world of the rational establishment tells that the physical is all that there is. If you cannot taste, feel, touch, measure,see or hear then it does not exist. This is the narrow world of the dial up. It is hedged by on one side empirical science and on the other what is called rational thought. This is a very narrow world that limits me to the here and now. Things however are much bigger than that. Even in its own terms it is limited. There is no room for love or duty or emotional distress. All these are not measurable and are completely subjective. They exist outside measurement because we know them, we experience them with a different sense, which we call the heart. God's world is a broadband experience. There is much out there going on there of which we are completely unaware.Because I am unaware does not mean that it does not exist. On pilgrimage through those long hours, we begin to still the noise of busy life and we begin to hear traces of these other things that are going on. At this point we have choice. Do we delve deeper into these small sounds or do we just ignore them as white sound that has no meaning. My experience is that it is not white noise but rather the gate of heaven. We can go into a deeper experience and that this deeper experience is God.

A few excuses and a beginning

2009-05-27T15:58:00.003+01:00

For those who are followers a profound apology. I have been on pilgrimage again with a group from the shires of England. It was the full way from St Jean to Santiago. It has taken these weeks out of my life. So there as been no blogging. I know many folk use the pilgrimage to blog but for me with a group to support it is not really possible. The walking took a total of 32 days quite fast really. It always leads me to the point where I decided that this is the very last pilgrimage I am going on. I have done my share. Only on return do I realise what has happened in those who I have taken with me that I reconsider and move from a complete ban to as maybe to the certain knowledge that I will be on the next pilgrimage. I am not at that point yet but I do know that I will be soon.I also begin to put the experience into some sort of context and understand what has been happening for me. My reflections this time are many. The one that is most in my mind at the moment is the old testament story of Moses where he asks to see God's face. The answer is rather interesting. He gets a refusal and a promise. I will hide in a cleft in the rock and pass by, covering you with my hand. I will then let you see me from behind. I found that I could relate to this incident as it occured to me that it is only in retrospect that we see that the space into which we have walked on pilgrimage was filled with God. We see him from behind so to speak. For me it has been this realisation that has been in my mind the days since I returned from Spain. I have been in a space with Jesus for nearly five weeks. In this space I have seen great things in his creation and great things he has been doing in others and me. I have discovered again at a deeper level that the Christian faith is not about the formal institutionalise Church, but it is about relationship. These relationships are vertical; us and God, and horizontal; between each other. More than that there is no way of knowing which direction God is going to speak from next.Sometimes it is vertical sometimes horizontal. The constant is that he does speak all the time in that 'still small voice' that Elijah heard, to those who will listen to him.

Up the hill to an encounter.

2009-03-29T17:02:00.001+01:00

2009-03-20T12:44:00.005Z

There as some days when you know something is going to happen. This day was one of them. A steady walk through rolling countryside that would finish at St Juan de Oretaga. The destination was not where it was going to happen. It was not an important pilgrim land mark as St Juan, rather the opposite. A small village that had little going for it called Epinosa, a road side stop in the middle of nowhere, was to be the place of meeting. I knew this was going to be the place where something really happened, but I did not know what. I think a little background would be helpful here. In the 1980's I have been involved, at a distance, with a Church based in Anaheim, California. It was led by a late middle aged bear of a man called John. John had a team of young people who helped with his ministry. In this band was one Eddie Espinoza.His surname sort of stuck in my mind. And so it was on that peg that my spirit hung a feeling that something was going to happen. I know Eddie's surname and the place name are only vaguely like each other. But to a dyslectic like me it is near enough. So I can hear you asking 'what happened'? Nothing really and again everything. There were no flashing lights, or heavenly music, no pilgrim with great insight only the still small voice as the prophet calls him speaking words I need to hear. The day began in the usual way. Got up and dressed had breakfast and walked through the beautiful countryside. It was getting rather hot as I got into Epinosa. As you enter the village you walk past a fountain with the sign ' Aqua non potable'. I was annoyed by this sign. What good is a fountain that has water that is undrinkable? I got angry to myself as I crossed the main road to the other half of the village. Walking past the tourist office on the main road I headed up the slight hill to the top of the town. And was there that the small voice spoke. It told me not to get out of my pram over the fountain or even that I was thirsty. If I was not on the pilgrimage I would not have these problems, but as I was, then the joys and sorrows were all part of the deal.Or to put another way the lack of water was a sign that I was on pilgrimage. I was enjoying the pilgrimage and therefore enjoying the problem was not a negative but rather part of the experience. I thought about it for a while. It seemed to me that there was much that I could view in this light. And the great big problem was one of them. It was part of the signs of life and should be met rather than complained about. I remembered the scripture rejoice in all things. It seemed to me that I had found something important in this new approach to life. I had spent so much of my life wishing for tomorrow so I could be out of whatever was unpleasant about today. I was wishing my life away. When I should be enjoying every experience for what it was~ a sign I was alive.

Out in the wilds I begin to be found.

2009-03-14T13:56:00.006Z

2009-03-14T13:25:00.002Z

I am now as fit as I will ever be on this trip. I wonder if I push it, can I do more than one and a half sections in a day. Looking at the guide I see that today's section takes me to Santa Domingo, but can I get as far as Belorado. Twenty five miles now sounds possible. Could I do that much? I decide to go for it. There is no time for touristical stops. The birds on the wall in the Church of Santa Domino are only seen briefly, though a side door that lets you pray in the church without paying to go in. Because of the great big problem( if you have joined this blog for the last few pages you will have to go back and pick up the early story)I really want to get this done as soon as possible.Every day I am talking on the phone for a lengthy time. I want to get home and fix it. So I get on as best I can and as quickly. It is interesting looking back on this part of the pilgrimage.I see that I missed so much, things that on later pilgrimages I did see and touch and experience. These things did add to the quality of the experience and were , then, valuable.However I also see how one day fitted with the next to be a message to me. This message was not completed for some time afterwards. There would be four more pilgrimages before that day. It was all related to the bgp. And it was all about it resolution of the same. So I steamed ahead. I over did it on this day and the next. But even that was part of the message. Tired and hungery towards the end of the day, 22 miles later I saw the welcome Alberque sign, not at Belorado, but 4K before at Villamayor del Rio. This house was out in the countryside. Fields around it and very peaceful. They offered a meal in the evening. This I booked. After the washing and the usual stuff for the next day I settled in a chair in the garden to take in the stunning view. It was great. After the shower I felt good... good and stiff. I had had a rest so I was not so tired even though I could feel the effects of the day. I wished for a gin and tonic, but there was none to be had. The house here is really part of a farm. No bar and I could not be bothered going up the little lane to the local. So I sat in the deckchair at the edge of the field and watched the wheat grow. As I sat I realised that in spite of everything I was enjoying this and inside I was unwinding. There had been many tears about the gbp along the way and even more heartache. But the joy of the Camino was breaking in,just a little. So for this one I'll leave you as I enjoy the sunset, the meal to come which was straight forward Spanish farmers home cooking and excellent in its' way, and a good nights sleep.

Heaven's gate

2009-03-04T08:34:00.002Z

2009-03-03T15:40:00.004Z

The rest of the day went quickly, By now I was well under way. The previous day had not been easy. It had been very long way and I was tired. Navette came and went in a cup of cafe con leche. And the rolling countryside just kept rolling along. At last the edge of Najerra came into view. I did not find the outskirts very appealing, but I must say that I was not much in the mood for tourism. It was getting a little too much by now. Walking down the hill into the centre of the town did not increase my interest. The motorists were bent on playing that well known pilgrim game that is one of the joys of Spain~'Squash the pilgrim'. This game can be played in any town or village where pilgrims and narrow streets with high walls can be found. On turning the corner I saw the river and isn't it beautiful. The banks looked well kept and really are a jewel. I asked a passerby where the albeque was she told me cross the river by the bridge and it was at the far end of the right hand bank. So off I go, to discover a wooden temporary build that has replaced the monastic house that was the the stop for the night in Najera. It seems nice enough,but oh so busy. I find a bunk and sit on it. It is in the middle bank of bunks. It is as I like it, on the bottom level. At that moment a man arrives, who turns out to be an artist painting his way to Santiago, with his girl friend. They talk loudly to those around them and me about the painting he has done that day and they explain that today they have not walked very far but have done many paintings. The girlfriend is a little fed up that it is stop, start, stop start. Never a really good days walking. I wonder if I should have brought some painting materials with me. The artist opens a folio of work for us all to see. At that moment I am thankful for my camera. I would not like to walk and carry a folio like the one he has. It is difficult enough carrying the stuff I need to wash, sleep and dress with. He finishes in a while and I sit on the edge of my bunk.By this time I have struck up a conversation with the lady on the bunk opposite me. She is about forty and pleasant person to talk to. She is here with her friend. They are both from London. Her friend is in publishing. She does not say what she does for a living. We talk for some time.I tell her that I have got into the swing of doing 20 plus miles a day. She says that they are going slower.I say that I am enjoying clocking up the miles. She says that the thing she enjoys is that , I quote,'the floaty feeling that comes when you are walking and your mind drifts off'. She describes it further. I do not really understand. But I will. I most certainly will. What she has spoken off is the gate of mysticism. This is the heart of a Christan pilgrim prayer experience. But for this pilgrimage and for a year or two it will remain closed to me. It is interesting that I had experienced what she was talking about, but like a gate I had not gone through it into prayer. We are now beginning to get to the areas that this blog is to discuss. I hope that you now understand why I wanted to relate my first experience. I do not think that my first pilgrimage is very different from that of others I have since spoken with. I am reminded of the verse in the scriptures. Enter by the narrow gate that leads to life. I think it is a narrow gate into God presence in pilgrimage. Most bounce off the 'floaty' stage and do not explore it. So their pilgrimage is meaningfully for many reasons, but does not quite get down to the deep places of the soul. Pilgrimage is mystical.

A little incident that means the world

2009-02-28T20:20:00.001Z

2009-02-28T14:14:00.004Z

Next morning saw me off early as usual. Out through the streets of Logrono and into a long linear park. It was here that I realized for the first time that I am a slow walker. Everyone seemed to go past me. It did not worry me too much I had already learnt that at the end of the day most pilgrims had walked a shorter distance that I had. I was happy to let the hares get ahead. I sat on a bench that was beside the path and eat a breakfast of bread and cheese as the sun came up. Then it was away to new adventures. The park continued for some distance. Eventually I came to a large lake that formed the main feature of this country amenity. I think that it must have taken about 3/4 of an hour to walk to the top gate on the other side of the lake. As I came closer, I saw that a man had set up a stall on one of the picnic tables. As I am very English, my first reaction was to wonder what he was selling. And whatever it was I was not buying. Fortunately he was talking to another man. I sidled pass him. I did not escape, for at that moment, the other person moved off. The man at the bench called to me. 'Can I give you a drink'. I was drawn in, but I still doubted his motives. 'Or perhaps a sello'. I gave in and accepted his stamp. He then offed me, bottled water, a new stick, an apple, all of which I declined. I did not want to pay. In desperation he finally said 'then let me give you this'. He placed into my hand a hazel nut. Wished me Bon Camino and I went on. From his sello I now know he is called Marcelino Lobato. As I walked away I became a little ashamed of my reactions and suspicious thoughts. he was giving without any thought of return to the pilgrims that passed him. Some time later an another context, I was relating this story to a group of priests. One of them said that it reminded him of the gift that God gave Lady Julian of Norwich. God said to Julian 'I want to give you a little thing' placing a hazel nut into her hand. Julian asked 'what is this little thing'. ' It is', said God 'the whole world'. I have often thought about this event and my nut. Marcelino was giving me his whole world. To a stranger, because I was a pilgrim and I might have a need. What do I do in this world that is so loving to anyone, let alone strangers?

I think I can, I know I can!

2009-02-26T15:36:00.001Z

2009-02-26T14:42:00.004Z

The night at Los Arcos was spent in the Albeque as per normal. It was nothing to shout about. Los Arcos is one of those towns that does not have much to commend it. It is old, but so am I.The only memory of that town, is a bar on the south side of the road through. This was the first place that I saw the long distance filling of a glass with cider from a barrel trick. The barrel is a large vertical thing with taps on the side. This small tap produces a long jet of fluid that the barman or in my case woman fires into a glass at some distance, say a metre, from the tap Very impressive. But if that is all that they have for entertainment, it quickly palls. On leaving the town we pass the graveyard, which has the legend carved in stone over the entrance 'Where you are, I was once'. The way my body feels today, I feel that I am with you already. Today is a beautiful gentle walk to Viana. The large church in the centre is open and the Christian community is one of the most welcoming on the Camino. On another trip I met their priest. He was not at all like the people. Perhaps they could swop notes.The people seem to have a continuous rota of welcome for pilgrims. In this church, in the season of Easter, they have a very beautiful black Madonna, with silver stars around her head. I took a picture,but as it has the shakes I will not exhibit it here. I hope to get a chance to photograph it again this May (09). This town on the hill has a most fantastic view towards Logrono. Whilst I was there, they were repairing the road to Logrono, so it was easy to walk the straight road without traffic,rather than go through the fields. The picture at the head of this page is the view from the town of Viana. Beyond the view of the picture are gardens that lead down into the City of Logrono. From a distance the hills on the south side of the city have an odd look to them. They are the only hills that I know of that seem to have had the tops taken off. It gives an appearance of leveling to provide a Spaceport for some ancient star going local population. I could just imagine a huge Space freighter the size of one of our oil tankers descending onto the flat top. Well I can dream like the next man! . Logrono Albeque is a modern, well appointed establishment. The pilgrim is often met by a local who is also Mayor of the City. He is great. Welcoming, friendly and helpful. A real friend to pilgrims. It was he who taught me the reply to thank you is 'not at all, or it is nothing', 'da nada'. I hope he was truthful. I have said it to many people. A walk around the town a meal and bed. It was a day without any alarms and I was beginning to realize that I might make it after all.

A hard day and meeting an Angel.

2009-02-23T16:38:00.005Z

Near Azqueta. Road works in connection with the new motorway.

2009-02-23T12:26:00.005Z

The house is astir. It is a new day, another walk. It is still rather dark outside, but we set off anyway. Down through the ancient hill village to the Roman bridge at the bottom of the village. This was a fine bridge, mostly still in good shape.On the far side one wall of the bridge has broken down so that you have to climb down through what were the insides of the bridge that have now spewed out into the river. Apart from that big hole, most of it is as it was in Roman times. It would not be a difficult job to repair and restore this structure. I wonder why they don't do it. I can see from looking at the map that the track is going back and forth crossing and recrossing the road. I take the short cut straight down the road. It is very quite.The Sun begins to come up and I enjoy a new day. Estella is reached for breakfast. I sit in a town bar on the main street, as it climbs out of the town. I study the map. I am at the end of the section that I had cut in half to press on to Cirauqui. It is only 9:30am. I wonder if I can do a whole section of 22kms, but that is only 13 or so miles, it sounds shorter in miles and I decide that it is on. I also decide that I will have to cut a few corners, walk along the road to make it all happen faster. Phone calls are also made about the gbp. They go on for a while. They are not satisfactory; neither do the help the situation or me. In fact for me thay make things worse. They will dominate the day in a way that will make today's walk the hardest yet. However, at this point I do not know it. Coming out of the bar,I go up the hill following the yellow arrows. They take me up a steep hill into a new housing estate. I find this rather suspicious. I wonder if I am on another of those Camino wild goose chases that add miles, show you some not very pretty place, and take you to a second cousins bar that just happens to be on the way. And sure enough here comes the bar.I am about 150 feet above where I would really like to be and the path is taking me straight down the hill on steps. I have been on a big loop. There is the main road with pavements that lead from where I was to where I am now. It has a gentle rise to it and is 30% of the distance I have walked. We are at a zebra crossing. I can see that the Camino crosses the road here to go off into another circuit of old road. I know from the map that we will rejoin it later after an extended walk. Oh boy. You do not get me twice in so short a distance.I walk straight up the road. Later I find out that what I missed on that loop was the free wine fountain. Win some; lose some, but not loose both! I keep to the road for a great deal of that day. It is hot, hard work. The gbp is eating away inside and I am getting very tired. The distance seems endless and I wonder if I am really up to this. Catch the bus home now screams every muscle. A bar appears around lunch time. It is full of the usual suspects. Old men playing cards,truck drivers, husbands~fugitives from wives in siesta time. I wish this was an Alberque. I would gladly stop here. I carry on. About an hour later I am about three miles away from Los Arcos. I am walking on a road which is undulating. We are in a rough scrub countryside and I am on my own. I am all in, but have to continue. I cannot stop here in the middle of nowhere. Far ahead of me in the heat hazy I see someone coming towards me. I watch as he gets closer and closer. I do no know why I am looking at him intently, but there is something about him that holds me. He looks like a pilgrim in dress and baggage, but he is walking the wrong way and off the Camino route. I am off the Camino route. This is not an easier way and no one would return on this hard road so who is he? He looks up and fixes me with his eyes. This is extraordinary. I feel him looking into me with the question 'Are you alright'. My mind says 'Yes'. I feel a breath of refreshment blowing through me and I am stronger for the encounter. Our eyes part and we go our separate ways. My mind straight away wonders if this has been an Angel encounter. They do happen on the Camino, but not to me. I turn to look at him, but he has gone over the hill and out of sight. My interest is up now, so I turn around. If I walk a little way back. I will see him. I do this. On the top of the hill I have a view of the last 1.5 miles I have walked. There is no one! And no turnings off, or houses or bars or anything, just scrub! Was it an Angel? I think so.

2009-02-19T09:57:00.001Z

The Alberque at Ciraque.

A generous heart

2009-02-19T09:12:00.003Z

This hill village is really beautiful, especially the views across the valleys to the mountains beyond. The Alberque as good. It has the feeling of a private house. It is well appointed and the owner/hospitaller is warm and welcoming. The only disturbing thing is that I cannot find anywhere to have the evening meal. I have already paid for it, but a Comidor is not to be seen. All is revealed later. We are told to assemble at the front of the A. The lady takes us behind the house, through a door and into another set of rooms below the house that must have been the cellars of the building. There we eat a well prepared meal of the usual type. This is somewhat spoilt by a French woman who sits at the shared table near me. She takes sometime to berate me about the English; always expecting everyone to speak their tongue. I am uncomfortable with this and rather wish that she did not talk to me at all, either in French or English. But I hold my tongue. It maybe that I will meet her many times in the days ahead. For that reason, to keep things sweet. I accept the rebuke. The day is over I am lying in bed thinking about what I have learned in the pilgrimage. I have gone over and over the great big problem. There has been no resolution and I have no ideas how to solve it. I have prayed into and out of the issues without any result. I have spoken on the phone several times and things are not any easier. If anything they are worse. My mind and heart are tired. My body is tired from all this walking. I have learnt that I have brought too much stuff and I am in the process of leaving it behind. I have removed stuff from my bag every night now. And the bag gets heavier and heavier each day. What a picture of life. I can see that my life is crowded by stuff.I have become a carrier of things I do not need.I do not know why I am here. In some ways it all seems rather pointless. But I am pleased with the distances that I am walking. I can do far more than I had ever expected. It has been a delight to learn that I'm was wrong in my thinking. I had been allowing the thoughts to distill in my life that I should not and could not expect to be able to do what I had done as a young man. A pain here and slowness there, this was to be expected in an older man. So 'Take it easy, soon be dead'. What a blasphemy. I have been wishing myself to an early grave. I have learnt that body and soul should not be separated. I am rejoicing in a new found vigor of spirit and body because I have pushed laziness and lazy thoughts aside. So all is not bad. With those thoughts I go to sleep. I sleep the good holy sleep of the pilgrim.

A quiet Valley walk

2009-02-18T22:33:00.003Z

The bridge and village are not quite what I had imagined. In my minds eye I had seen a steep side valley with the bridge at the bottom, beyond the houses were clinging to the side of the hill. The bridge was the same shape, but not in that place. This was the first fo many changes to what I had expected. The Camino always keeps you guessing. I crossed the bridge. There are few building on the other side and the footpath takes a sharp turn left. After two hundred yards it then takes a sharp right and enters a wide bottomed valley. I was alone. Nobody to be seen. I do not expect the Spanish out at this time. It is the middle of siesta. I did expect pilgrims there were none. The pilgrims who were with me have stopped for the day. Those who were in front are leaving me behind. I have noticed since that day that the quietest time of day is early afternoon. That is the time one can expect to be alone. It is a wonderful walk along the valley. After awhile I notice that the path has been diverted. My instinct is to ignore the changes. Fortunately, I do not. The new path is not easy. It climbs steeply, is narrow and has not had a great deal of use. It shows signs of mechanical earth movers that have pushed the path through where there was none before. The ground has that uncompacted feel about. As I get to the top of the hill I understand why. The motorway has come through here. The original Camino has given place to the car.I have to content myself with walking high on a shoulder about the fast new road.The day comes to close about two hours later. The town of Ciraque is before me. It is a traditional hill top village. The church at the top, the rest of the houses huddling together for support at its' heals. Walking up the hill I notice that everywhere is restored. All the houses have that new paint look. There are not many people about. There is one general store.I cannot find a bar. The albeque is in the centre of the village, by the Church at the top of the hill.

Bless me Father!

2009-02-17T21:27:00.002Z

So I set off the next morning whilst it was still darkish. The way could not have been more obvious. Straight down the the back of the nasty little hill and out into the fields. So as I walked I thought about how many days I still had left till I could get back to the UK. Oh I've just run out of tarmac and there is a fence ahead of me. So I retrace my steps, to the last cross roads. There I look for a yellow arrow in the yellow light of the street lamps. I do not find it as the marked route has cut this corner off with a short cut through the estate. I am a little unnerved. I walk back to the fence and wonder if I am supposed to climb over it. I see no signs of a path on the other side so that cannot be it. Back to the cross roads. In the distance I notice a group of pilgrims crossing the field that I have recently been looking into. But they are on a parallel course to the imagined way that I had hoped for. This unmarked road must be it and sure enough it is. I meet up with the lost Camino shortly after. It descends into open fields that smell damp and growing. As I walk the crushed herbs under foot release their oils that fill the air with nature in the morning. Looking up, ahead I see that the way rises to the top of what seems a low hill.The top is not far away and it is not to step a climb. Oh! the deceits of the eyes. It takes over two hours to reach the top. It is quite steep.As it is morning in May there is dew and fresh lush grass underfoot. Wonderful grease to slip on the clay beneath. Two thirds of the way up. I hear the noise of a group a group of Irishmen talking with verve. I would not like to call them old. But they were most certainly senior. I pause on the path near where they are sitting. It is good to hear the Queen's English spoken by one who does it every day. One of the Irishmen look down at me and asks where I have come from. I tell him. He corrects the question. Not where had I started today, but where was my home. I tell him. I also answer the next question he puts to me, by saying that I am an Anglican Priest. He is in raptures. 'Glory be, bless me Father' he says. So I do. He then tell me that he likes the pilgrimage and discloses that he has been on many before and lists them. He does not include the Camino as this is his first. He is quiet for a moment and says 'I can't stand the gradient. I love the pilgrimage, but I can't stand the gradient'. I leave him with his friends chatting on the rocky outcrop and go to the top of the hill. At the top there is a large metal sculpture of a line of pilgrims in silhouette. It also forms the background to the banner on this blog. Now it is down hill to lunch in Puente. A steady walk after a steep decent. And with the bridge, the end of the first major section.

House keeping

2009-02-17T20:55:00.004Z

Those who are following this blog, and there seem to be a few , may well wondering what is going on here. In my introduction on the left of this page I speak of experiments in theology and here I am just telling a tale of my first pilgrimage. This is because what will come later was a great surprise to me. I never set off to have my understanding of the faith so radically changed. I had no idea it was coming. So I want you to know the whole background of those early days. If you want me to cut to the chase and dive into theological discussion, you will have to wait. There is quite deal to come yet. If you haven't been in on the beginning, then I would recommend that you go to the page bottom and work up. If you cannot bear any more of this stuff but want the main feature, then come back in about a month. In the mean time you might like to look at the new web site of Peterborough pilgrims to Santiago. http://www.pilgrims-to-santiago.com/. This was built by us to help new pilgrims understand what they are getting into and to invite anyone who wants to come with us to join us. And another thing; It would be great if you felt you were able to sign up for this blog~ helps encourage the writer that he is not talking to himself.

So good night Vienna

2009-02-16T18:11:00.009Z

The modern way into Pamplona is to go through the park, down a dusty track that appears to be through small holdings following the river until you come to the bridge over it that takes you into the area of town that is nearest the Cathedral. I found my way and was standing in front of the Cathedral wondering what to do next, as the door seemed to be closed.Just then a coach load of Japanese tourist came up with their guide. He asked me to explain my sack and stick and shell and with that they set off in a frenzy of photography. What a experience. It made me feel firstly, ' I must be a real pilgrim.' Then a bit of a freak, a tourist sideshow in the tour guides working day.I was glad to get away. I walked through the city to the University. I had been told that I could get a sello on my pilgrim passport there. What I was not told was that I would have to walk well out of my way to get it. It was the end of the day, however, so what the heck! A shortish walk out of town to Cizur Menor. This village is at the top of a cruel little hill that takes it out of you. Not too welcome at the end of a longish day's walking.The countryside was now more rolling that straight up and down as in the three previous days. This hill is really the first of gentle hills that go on for several hours up and then the same down The Alberque in Cizur Menor is a delight. Run by the Roncal family with a beautiful garden setting. It has been developed over many years as a place of refreshment or pilgrims. For many year Mr, Mrs Roncal have given themselves to this work. Mrs Roncal is a healer of feet without equal in this part of the Camino. On my last visit,October 2008 she demonstrated the effectiveness of burn cream for blisters on the feet. She was also on her own as her husband had passed away since my last visit. I wonder who will take on her work when it is time for her to stop. She was saying that she does it all herself these days. I wanted to say, 'give us a job! I'll take it on from where you leave off'. Being English and polite I didn't. I wonder what would have happened if I had. Round about now Hans turns up. He did stay late to have quiet shower after something of a lie in, and his long German legs have gotten him to the bottom of the short nasty hill at the same time as my sawn of jobbies have. We walk up the hill together. He tells me about his day, I cannot remember any of the details now. I do not tell him about mine which has been another 15 rounds with the great big problem. a few tears thrown in for good measure. I ache and I hurt inside. But for now I listen as he tells me about the plans for the evening. Hans was the one who said that we should aim for Cizur. Get a good place to stay, blast through the City of Pamplona, and catch a bus back into town after a rest. So we did. I stood on the wrong side of the road waiting for that bus that would take us into the city and to the famous Tapas bars. The bus came. It was on the correct side the one I was standing on. It felt wrong. My mind was clearly still in the UK. The Bus is a short ride, down the hill and into the main areas of town. Hans pokes me. It's time to get off. So I do and so does he. We cross the road and walk through the streets. Hans tells me that the bus home is on the opposite side of the roundabout. I take mental note of the exact place. It does not strike me why he is so keen to make sure I know where to catch the bus. Soon it will. To be precise one beer later. We had ordered a couple of tapas, nothing very big, and he says' I'll see you later. All the bars along here have different tapas, try a few'. With that he is off. This is not what I had expected. I thought that he might be able to tell about Pamplona and we might chat for a little. The was a little 7 minutes to be exact. So I did as he had said and moved on to another bar. The long evening tapas supper rather ground to a halt at that point. I had a couple more pieces and caught the bus to Maison Roncal. Pilgrimage has some surprises not everyone turns out as you expect. For the most part they do, but now and again....... I got up early the next morning. Today was to be the day when I got going. I had looked at the guide. The next section was to Puente la Riena. 20k. If I cut the section beyond into two and did half of that as well as today's section I would cover about 30k, if I stopped at Cirauque. Could it be done? I think I can! As for Hans, I never saw him again. That 'short Little fella' he had called me. Well that 'Short little fella' was going to sleep in a town further on that you tonight. So good night Vienna..

Catch up with pictures

2009-02-14T09:53:00.005Z

Valacarlos. On the road route.

Larrasoanna.

Albergue at Larrasoana.

Looking west

Morning on Boar road. He was seen crossing on the rise ahead.

Pamplona and a Boar.

2009-02-14T09:06:00.007Z

So with the gbp going over and over I fell asleep that night. What was I to do I really wanted to go home and sort things. In the night an idea came to me. Dig your heals in and walk longer and faster faster. Try and look at the maps and guide and cut of some of the corners. Take the direct route and do 1.5 sections from the guide. That will mean 30k per day. That will be tough. I may not be able to do it and the sections may not allow it. The next morning the American students were not so keen to get up or make noise as they had the night before. I got up quickly and rather early. It was still dark. Breakfast was non-existent. And because of the darkness and the thoughts of the previous night, I set off along the road away from Larrasoana. There were no cars or lorries at that time. It was very quite. I think in the next hour or two I only saw 3 or 4 vehicles. The Sun began to rise. As yet it was still below the level of the hills that run parallel to the road.So the right hand side was gaining in light and the left side was in a deep shadow of night. I kept walking. As I walked I looked to my left,up on the hill, I saw movement. What was that? Could it be? The moving, whatever it was came closer. It was now still some 500 yards away and indistinct. It was a wild boar. He was very still now. He had caught my smell. Pilgrims are very good at smelling. So it is no surprise that I had come to his attention so far away. With that he was off. Keeping his distance he came up the field to the road, over it,into the field on the right and up the hill into the sunshine. Running all the way as fast he could go. Red in the morning sun he came to a small copse of trees. He ran along the fence until he found a hole and went in. That was the last I saw of him.I have never seen a wild boar before and it was riveting. I had heard that they were dangerous if you got too close. Had I walked the main route I would have missed him. He would have gone before I was close enough to see him. So even on the road there are wonders to be experienced. You may wonder what had happened to Hans. He was tall with long legs. For him walking was done quickly. So he liked to get up later and shower. At Larrasona he was still asleep. he had told me to head for Cizur Minor on the other side of Pamplona and that was were I was going, but not until I had been through the great city.

That first night.

2009-02-12T09:29:00.003Z

The meal that night was much better than I had expected. Salad followed by trout and flan. I still could not believe how little all this was. I sat opposite a youngish man. We were at a table that was designated as a table for those on their own. I asked him if today had been his first days walking. He told me that it was his last. He had started in Santiago. He wanted to walk home as he had walked to Santiago last year. I kept quite about my experiences of the day. I was in the company of serious pilgrims. And so to bed. I lay in bed for sometime thinking about what I had taken on. Now the idea of doing 550 miles really came home to me. I must be crazy. I thought about my reasons for being there in the first place. I was here because I could not be at home! I began to feel a little home sick. And I feel asleep. What a lovely dream. Oh! the noise, the lights, the morning. Hardly light and they are on the move. The pilgrims are dressing and leaving. It is about 6:30am. I am up with not very good grace. Down to breakfast which is in the next village. I make myself understood even though I have little Spanish. It is another beautiful days walk. I am struck by memorials by the wayside to pilgrims who have died. As the day goes on I feel more and more for them. The pack is getting heavy now. I must find a way to get it lighter. I had noticed a shelf in the undercroft at Roncesvalles that had all manner of stuff on it. I now understood why. Left behind by pilgrims who had too much stuff. What a picture and lesson of life. In the west we have too much stuff. It bogs us down and stops us doing what we are made to do.Be in the presence of God. Larrasona came into view. The Alberque is in the town hall with an extension across the road. It had a portacabin for the facilities as well as a largish group of loud American students. The noise was a jar after the quite hours walking. But they are young and having a good time. I wonder if they will be so noisy tomorrow morning, early, when it is time to set off. We shall see.Their noise was welcome after all. The day had not been that difficult to walk, but on my own, without distraction my mind had picked away at the gbp. Over and over it had gone. I want to get home to fix it. Prayers of desperation. And some self pity. Why was I here what was I supposed to learn in this situation. I have no idea.

My Story continues.

2009-02-08T20:57:00.002Z

This is my first view of the great monastery of Roncesvalles. And it is very welcome.Now for the test. I had been told about the provisions made for pilgrims. Some places free, some donations, some 3-7 euros. I wanted to believe it. My sense tells me that nobody, but nobody would charge so little for a night sleep and a shower. I have enough in cash to take me to Santiago if it is true. I also had my credit card if it was not. So sit I at the large refectory table that is in the office in the gatehouse. I fill in the form ,get the passport stamped and find to my delight that pilgrims really are welcome. They are charged a small amount for the night. I do not expect very much for so little. I am overjoyed that it now seems that what I had been told and had read about pilgrimage is unfolding. I walk down the wide roadway, past the split rock of Roland, towards what has clearly been a great tithe barn and is now the Alberque of the Abbey. Inside it is not the under converted barn I am expecting, but it is a beautifully fitted out, open plan dormatory, with well appointed facilities. On later visits I realise that there are too few showers with little hanging space. On this visit it is heaven. I am very tired. So a quick shower and a rest. I take the booklets that I have brought and begin to study them with eyes that have not looked as closely as this at these materials, thinking about and planning the following day.

After my rest, I go for a walk. Examine the Church. Sink a beer. Discover that the meal is not until after Mass. I book a meal ticket. Hans slopes up. He has had a good day, high in the hills. It is now that he explains that his thirst for the route Napoleon is because his last trip was on a bike. It is a first for him as well. The last trip was up the road I have just walked. As a guide his star is sinking fast. Never mind I buy him a beer.

I feel the need to be along and pray about the gbp so I leave him in the sunshine and go once more to the Church. My prayer are in words albeit in my mind. I go over once more my troubles. This is no different from what I have been doing all day. So what have I been doing all day? What is this I am doing.? I'm I thinking or praying. Was I praying then and thinking now or the otherway around? I am a little tired to tangle with that metaphysical problem at this stage of today. So I got out again into the sunshine to wander about.I wander about for so long, forgetting that there is a small matter that I have not altered my watch, that I miss the beginning of Mass. Well let's be honest about half of the service. I am annoyed at my stupidity. I stand at the back and join.I recieve and am blessed. Shortly I am outside once more with an small animal devoring my guts. I really need Dinner. And I need it now.

The next part of my story

2009-02-07T14:43:00.000Z

The Spanish gate at St Jean de Pied de Port

Walking up the hill into the town we are faced with a tee junction. We turn left and walk one hundred yards up the hill, coming to a stop outside a shop. Only it is not a shop it is an office. The office of the French Confraternity of St James. The office is full. There have been those who walk faster than we who get to claim their credential before us. We join the queue. All shapes of pilgrims are here. Long ones, short ones, bald, hairy, badly cut ones, young ones, old ones, old ones trying to be young ones. young ones trying to be old ones, Male and female he made them, pilgrims he made them all. I am called forward. I present my credential. It is stamped and returned a few details are taken. Name, age, passport number, sex etc. Hans is next. His interview is a little longer. He has to fill in a more comprehensive form. Why does he want to go on pilgrimage? It is Cultural, Religious, Other or a blend of the three. It's a blend. He gets his pilgrim passport. It is smaller than mine. That will fit into his pocket much more easily than the A5 thing that I have.We withdraw to the street where Hans tells me that he is going to walk the route Napoleon. The high way across the top of the mountains. I am for the low way, recommended for those who are not very fit. That's me, fat and unfit. We walked together to the end of the town. Facing us at the bottom of the hill is the Spanish gate. This is the real start of the pilgrimage. It is 550 miles of walking from here. Outside the gate he goes one way and I go the the other, as Hans has directed me. I begin to walk downhill only to walk in a complete circle back into St Jean by another way. Perhaps Hans is not such a reliable guide as I thought? Again I leave by the Spanish gate and go up the hill this time to a very obvious fork in the road. Here I turn right and skirt around the side of a hill to join what seems a fairly mainish road.At this stage there is a walkway or pavement.It seems positively suburban.But soon we are out of the town and no pavement.I have by now picked up the famous yellow arrows originally put down by Father Elias of Cebreiro many years before. I hope these will take me all the way to Santiago. The day was not easy, but it was uneventful. The most exciting part was where the path diverged from the road and cut a large number of S bends off. It was at this point that I learnt that all the pilgrims went by the route Napoleon. This meant that any off road sections were overgrown and not trampled. The result being that it was a hard path to walk. Towards the end of the day I breasted the hill to come out on a small road at the highest point on the way. Coming towards me was a couple of older folk. In the front was a weathered, gnarled woman,looking happy and full of life. She was having a great time. Behind, was what I took to be her husband. He looked beaten up to say the least. I was glad that I had gone the easier way! I wondered if he wished he had? Later I discovered that they were French. They were retired. They were going to do the whole length of the Pilgrimage. Every afternoon I came across them in the same state of liveliness/exhaustion. It went on for three days until one evening she was on her own. On enquiry I found that they had had a heart to heart. The result was that she was to walk and he had caught the bus to Santiago. He was there by now, sitting on a bar stool drinking cold beer. There were others with me at this time. We all went silent. Drinking the words in and in our imaginations a share of his Santiago beer. The silence said it all

2009-02-07T08:19:00.000Z

Bayonne;The river and town

After an hour and a half I land at Bierritz. Transfer bus to Bayonne. A public service bus really which takes for ever or so it seemed at the time. Get off on the wrong side of the river from the railway station; walk across the bridge to the square in front of the railway. Pause and look at the timetable. Last train at 6pm, I am not ready for that and I've been expecting to stray in Bayonne. I stick to the plan noting that there is a train 8mm tomorrow. As I am looking and planning a man who has been on the bus rushes up, tries to buy a ticket, is told that it is too late, although the train is standing in the station. I watch as I can see that he is boiling with frustration. Alongside is another man. I can see that there is no connection between them. They both have sticks and rucksacks so they are linked, they just don't know it yet. They are pilgrims. Neither is able to get to St Jean tonight. All three of us will stay in Bayonne tonight. I go to the Hotel Ibis which is as disappointingly standard as very other chain hotel I have ever been in. It is cheap, but not cheap as in hostals in Spain. This I do not know yet. If the Hotel was very bland the restaurant is not. After a walk up and down the town, during which I discover a good butcher who sells great sausage.I find a small bar by the river in the upper part of the town that looks as though it will be cheap. Outside they display a plate de jour. It is an interesting menu. I order and get a simple meal beautifully cooked that was delightful. I am somewhat surprised. I am also happy and grateful. I feel that God is in control of this adventure. Back to the Hotel and so to bed. Next morning I get up early or as it will be for the foreseeable future the normal time of 5:45am. To me this is a strain. The strain is devalued by the excitement that I feel. Today I start walking. I am at the station by 7:30am. Ticket in hand I go onto the platform. After a few short minutes, first one pilgrim, then the other arrives, from wherever they have stayed all night. I have seen nothing of them all night, or this morning, except I did see the Italian, who I knew to be Italian at that moment because I saw a small flag on his bag, as I walked around the town last night. The Italian stands well down the platform. He is out of conversation range. The other is next to me. I asked if he is going to Santiago.It seems a strange question to be asking on a railway station that is not on a direct line or even the same size tracks as Santiago, to a person who is not going to use the train to get there. He tells that he is and that he is German. This is his second pilgrimage. Bingo! Someone to show me the ropes. He is meeting a friend in three weeks time and wonders if he will get to the agreed meeting point in time. The train comes and we get on it. Now railways are one on my 'things'. I have always been interested in them. This journey then is the icing on the cake for me as we wind our way up the valley towards the start of the walk. It is a bright and clear morning. The French Pyrenees are beautiful. And what is that in the distance. High peaks.That's where we are going. Now! Today!. The heart swells again. After one hour we are there! St Jean station is the end of the line. The platform is full of people pushing and shoving to get on the train back to Bayonne. I am somewhat amused and puzzled. I had thought that this would be a one way trip. Pilgrims to the mountain, thence to Santiago. So why are there so many coming back. Have they started a pilgrimage only to give it up in the light of the first days experience? I never find an answer to this question. So I guess that they were ramblers. Returning home after a few days walking the mountains around St Jean. My thoughts are broken by Hans, the German pilgrim,to me guide, telling me we must get off and hurry. We have to get to the pilgrim office before the crowd or we will be in the office for ever. We need to start walking as soon as possible. I have my pilgrim passport already. It was issued by the British Confraternity. I go along for the ride anyway. He knows what he is doing. I do not.

2009-02-06T10:54:00.000Z

Just like everyone. Ryan air gets you there. That is if you are happy to hang on to the wing.

The Pilgrimage begins.

2009-02-06T10:13:00.000Z

After a few weeks I am getting fitter. Then from a clear sky a massive problem develops. This involves others, so it would not be right to outline the difficulties here. It is enough to say that it was a cataclysmic earthquake of a difficulty that disrupted everything.For here on in I will call it the great big problem ~gbp for short. The gbp was spiralling out of control and I had no idea of how to deal with it or how to mend it. It did seem obvious that if I ducked out for a month+ to go to Spain there might not be much of my life to which I could return. So I stayed home. The gbp grew and grew. Every way I turned I could not turn this problem. Getting into May now, very near the start or should have been the start of the pilgrimage. A small window opens. In discussion it is put to me that if I was not around then things could settle. It might bring about a resolution that opened the way into a future of some sort. Perhaps if I was away somewhere then it would give space to all concerned. Spain seemed as good a place as any. I must admit that I did not have much of an appetite for pilgrimage anymore. Should I go or stay? I went. A few days to go. No walking or training since to emergence of the gbp weeks ago. I was worried that I would not be able to walk all that way. Too late now. There is no stopping this. I have to go. I am sitting in a plane at the end of the runway at Stansted. My heart is full. I am going on pilgrimage. I begin to weep silently, in a way to no one will notice. My head is turned towards the window. No on can see my face. Tears of joy begin to stream down my cheeks. I cannot believe that with all the problems I am on the way. There is a surge of power, a leap of the plane and a great jump down the runway. We are off. As the plane climbs so does my heart. This is some buzz.

2009-02-04T09:30:00.001Z

Here is a photograph of me, in the blue shirt, my wife Liz, and a friend called Peter, taken on pilgrimage last year. I thought that this would be a good place to start.As you can see I am not young and I am fat. I wish as was like my friend Peter, who eats like a horse and never puts on a pound.

So here we go!

My story so far.

I was ordained as priest in the Church of England in 1981. So by the time I got to 2006 I was feeling in need of some sort of change or refreshment. I heard about the diocesan scheme for sabbaticals and this seemed the answer to my needs. I had heard of other priests taking this time to go to Monasteries in the Sinai or other places to study some obscure piece of patristics. This was not for me, so I wondered what I could do that would qualify for the Sabbatical and more importantly for the grant that goes with it.

It's funny how things come together. Earlier that year, as a family, we had decided to go on a holiday to northern Spain. We like to get about, so a took a day of to go up to that great map shop in London, Stanfords to buy some maps of the area. Above the rack of maps was a copy of a guide to the Camino Frances and a book by Nancy Frey on the Santiago pilgrimage. So as I had

made a mental note that one day I would like to see the giant incense burner in Santiago, but knew very little about, I browsed these books. The books were purchased. I went home, reading about pilgrimage on the train as I went.

Pontius Pilate asked at the trail of Jesus 'What is truth'. I begin to realise that I am already beginning to drift a little from reality. I cannot remember which came first. The possibility of

a Sabbatical or me finding the above books. I am not sure if the Sabbatical was the peg to hang the trip to Santiago on, or if pilgrimage was a great way to use a sabbatical. The outcome is the same. I decided that it was a cool idea to walk 550 miles from the French border to the bones of St James in his Cathedral in Galicia Northwest Spain. The only problem was I am not a walker.

It was January. Like most priests I know I was running a car that any self respecting man would laugh at and call an old banger. Getting up one morning to do the same as yesterday, I got into the car to drive my children to School. The old banger did what old bangers do and refused to start. No option, a walk to school for me with the children. It takes about 30 minutes to get there. On the way back I thought that if a diverted a little and increased the distance then this would be the beginning of the training needed to be fit enough to do the walk. That was the start of a good period of preparation. Each day the distance was increased and the weight came down.

And this reminds me that it is now early February and the next pilgrimage is in May so I had better begin all over again.